Sunday, July 27, 2014

All the Colors of the Rainbow




A few weeks back I was talking to a male friend about women, as men tend to do, and broached the topic of Nicki Minaj. Something along the lines of "Do you think she's hot?" This friend was of the “Caucasian persuasion” so I was expecting him to say “no” in regards to liking her. Ms. Minaj isn't everyone’s cup of tea and honestly, I’m not too keen on her myself. But it was the few words after his presupposed “no” that puzzled me. “I’m just not into Black chicks.”

"Just not into Black chicks?" I’ve heard White men say that to me all my life and it’s always been so crazy to me because beautiful is beautiful regardless of the color. I had to know more. “Oh you mean you don’t date Black women”, I said. “No. I’m just not into them" he retorted. “What you don’t find Black women attractive?” “Not really”, he said. To which I was even more abashed. “Are you gay”, I ask. “Of course not,” he declared with certainty. “But you’re telling me you have never found a single Black woman attractive. Like EVER?” He was quite. After an awkward moment, I spoke. “Racist.”

My friend clearly isn’t a racist, because he’s my friend but after rattling off a few names, like Haley Berry, Naomi Campbell, Megan Good, Tyra Banks, and even a young Pam Grier, I still got no. I named a few other women of color like Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lopez, and Frida Pinto. Each of which he acknowledged was beautiful. At this point something was clear. If he could find these women of color “beautiful" but not the Black women then my friend had some underlying issues with Black people he hadn't worked through.

Not to sound like that "kind of guy", but I’ve dated a lot of women. I’m no Hugh Hefner but for a regular dude with no real money to speak of, I’ve done pretty well with the fairer sex over my 27 years. I’m confident, (Which is like 80% of “it”. Whatever “it” is anyway.) I look half decent. I’m straightforward and honest. (Which is like 10% of the remaining 20%. Women REALLY respect and appreciate honesty. Another 5% is listening. Not HEARING. But LISTENING. If you don't know the difference, then you're already a lost cause.) I’m charming and I do other “things” pretty well. Or so I’ve been told. (That other "thing" is that last 5%.)

I’ve never seen color in regards to women. I just see pretty or not pretty. That’s my “type”. Pretty. Looks aren’t the end all be all because as I’ve gotten older I’ve become more of a “sapiosexual.” (And ladies, if you don’t know what it means without using Google, we wouldn’t work.) I'll admit that most of the girls I've dated haven't been Black. And no, it's not because I can't "handle" a "real soul sista". You see my mother is one of ten kids. Which means I have a LARGE family. Which means I have a lot of cousins. Growing up I went to school with a lot of really pretty Black girls. And I was always told the same thing about those pretty Black girls. “Leave that girl alone! Boy them yo folks!” As in a lot of those pretty Black girls were my cousins.

So to combat the chance of developing a crush on a relative, I started to eye the girls in the class that didn’t have the same skin color as me. Girls that didn't have black hair and brown eyes like most Black girls tend to have. These instincts formed as a boy shaped how I see women as a man. That view, and my mother always encouraging me to love whomever I loved, skin color be damned, meant I didn't date a lot of Shaquittas or Shonadas. More like a lot of Beckys and Emilys.


Confession time. While most of the women I’ve dated haven’t been Black, I think Black women are the most beautiful group of women. Not the "average" girls but the women at that otherworldly level of beautiful. I'm saying if you took the best of the best from each race, in my opinion, Black women or women of or with some African descent are at the top of the food chain. And it's really not that close. I'm talking like Usain Bolt running the 100M dash in the Special Olympics not close. (Have you ever seen a baby mixed with Black and, NAME ANYTHING ELSE, and it not be cute?) In short, at every point in the history of the world, I feel like the most beautiful woman has more than likely NOT been a White woman. Beautiful Black women are REALLY beautiful. You've never seen a White woman described as "exotic" or "forbidden fruit."

I’m guessing the reason most men don’t date outside their race is because they believe a lot of the stereotypes about each race of women. As someone who’s dated White (all kinds Russian, American, British, Polish, etc), Black, Asian, Mexican, Colombian, Persian, etc, let me tell you which stereotypes are true…on average... and in my experience of course. (Note: I’m only comparing Black, White, and Latina women.)

- White women are the freakiest. If there’s a group of 10 White women, 8 are freaks.  If there are 10 Latina women, 6 are freaks. A group of 10 Black women, 3 are freaks but boy oh boy those 3! Those 3 are like 8 White girls!

- Black women don’t do oral sex, but the ones that do are usually the best at it. It's the lips.

- Latina women have the worst tempers. Black women are a close second.

- White women are the most loyal. White women that date Black men anyway. If you’re dating a White woman, as a Black man, in my experience, they’ll run through a brick wall for you. They'll go without if it means helping you. And you’d pretty much have to throw them off a bridge to get them to break up with you.

- Black women talk the most shit. Anything they could say in an effort to get you to smack them or at least REALLY want to, they’ll say it. It’s nothing for a Black woman to say the cruelest shit imaginable when they’re pissed off. Their words cut the deepest when they want to. Your mom, kids (if you have kids with other woman), super embarrassing stories, your special needs sibling. Nothing's off limits.

- Black women age the best. Latina and White about the same. (Asians the worst.)

- White women typically don’t have butts. Black women have the most.

- Latina women “double-dip” the most. (Double-Dip: Combination of having BOTH big boobs and big butt.)

I know what you're thinking. Which race is the best at sex? No one race is better at sex than the other. AGAIN, in my experience anyway. Quality of sex for women is more of a "per person" kind of thing. 

Let’s say women are like all the different elements of nature. Beaches, forests, swamps, mountains ranges, canyons, deserts, and so and so forth. The Grand Canyon is beautiful. The Redwood National Park is beautiful. The Rocky Mountains are beautiful. The Florida Everglades are beautiful. The Sierra Desert is beautiful. Laguna Beach is beautiful. Different forms of nature, but all beautiful and you can like one over the other. To each his own, but to claim you "love" nature and you "understand" it’s beauty but not be able to at least find the beauty in mountains ranges just doesn’t seem right. Maybe you don't "love" nature after all.

In this same analogy, let’s say Black women are mountains, and I only say that because I think the most impressive thing in nature is a mountain and because I said Black women are most beautiful. Let's say White women are beaches. Grace Bay in Turks and Caicos is the most beautiful beach in the world but I'm still more awestruck at Mt. Everest. For all their beauty, and while I admire them more, that doesn’t mean I wanna go climb a mountain every weekend. Sometimes... I'd rather lay out on a beach.



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