The Glamorous (A Recap of the 2013 Oscars)

2013 Best Picture Winner, Argo.

It’s really hard to react to something you “technically” didn’t see. Yep, that’s right I didn’t watch this year’s Oscars. I know, I know, but in my defense, I didn’t have cable, so yeah, there’s that. However, I still heard about all of the funny/big/surprise moments as they happened.

That’s the great thing about the Internet and YouTube and Facebook and Twitter. You never miss a moment of major news events happening in the world. Everything and everyone is so connected that I literally stayed on my Facebook and Twitter news feeds and it was like I was watching the show. But since I didn’t “see” the moments happen and they don’t have that “organic” feeling of seeing them live, I don’t feel right telling you my best moment or worst moment or best dressed.  I’ll just give you my biggest winners and losers of the night.

Big Winners

Argo

Affleck still went home a winner.

Argo was the biggest winner of the night simply because it took home the biggest prize and, honestly, it was an easy call. Lincoln lost a ton of steam and the way Argo was sweeping everything else you just knew it was going home with the “Big One”. Besides, I can tell you one thing about Hollywood that I’ve learned to be completely true. We, (And I can say we damn it because I live here and I WORK here.) love to hear about ourselves. Especially the big wigs out here. Hollywood loves great movies about Hollywood. (Cut to the producer of The Artist laughing while holding a Best Picture statue.) And of course it was going to win at least three awards, so I predicted both of Argo's wins in film editing and adapted screenplay. No way it was winning Best Picture without taking home a few other awards in the process.

Christoph Waltz

Waltz is 2 for 2 at the Oscars.

If I were this guy’s agent, I’d be calling Quentin Tarantino right now (Tarantino also had a big night as he won for Best Original Screenplay for Django Unchained.) and ask when and where his next project was. I wouldn’t care if he was asking Waltz to dress in drag and play a Mexican prostitute, I’d make Waltz take the role. Waltz has won twice in the last four years and both times for playing what was essentially the same character. He’s a brilliant actor who seems to shine under Tarantino’s direction and why wouldn’t he. A character actor like Waltz will always perform well when given such juicy dialog and note worthy scenes to work with. This year’s Best Supporting Actor nominee field was the strongest in Oscar history, so if anyone of those guys won, it would have been okay with me. Still, I thought there was no way they would give it to Waltz again, especially for a second Quentin Tarantino film. (I still picked him to win in my office pool. AKA Hedging my bet baby!)

Big Loser

Lincoln

12 Nomination only equaled 2 Wins for Lincoln.

Damn, damn, damn! I knew the movie about freeing black people wasn’t ready for the big time. (That’s a joke.) From having all the momentum in the world a few months ago when it was nominated for twelve awards to going out with such a loud thud last night. I haven’t seen a performance that bad under the big lights since Tom Brady in the 2012 Super Bowl. (I originally had a “male performance” joke about Jimmy Johnson but… yeah…) Daniel Day-Lewis winning for Best Actor was a foregone conclusion, but I really thought it was set up for Spielberg to win another Best Director award. With Affleck and Bigelow missing from the nominees I thought his road to Oscar gold was clear, but with the film losing at every turn to Argo there was no way he was winning it. When a President announces your film and it still doesn’t win, it’s over. You get Lincoln in a theater be it “Ford” or “Nokia” and bad things WILL happen. (Hey I kid, I kid. I love Lincoln. Remember, I’m black, so his picture hangs next to Dr. King’s (not Waltz’ character from Django) and Obama’s. Still too soon huh?)

Bonus Winner (Or Loser)

We have an office Oscar pool at my job and I think I’m doing pretty well. I’m writing this at 10:45 PCT so I’m still not sure if I won. I can’t remember exactly what I picked, but I’m pretty sure I got 16 out of 24 awards right. And I should have gotten at least two more right if I went with my gut or remembered what I said about Lincoln. Production value makes period pieces Paris! So congrats to all the winners and better look next time to the losers. But just like me in my office Oscar pool, it’s just an honor to be in the pot or even be nominated. What the hell am I saying? That’s crazy talk, I wanna win!

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