Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Twisted Confessions and Atramentous Musings of A "Broke" Writer (Opening)

Most days are a battle. A battle that is an amaranthine and fruitless struggle to overcome an enemy that’s as ever-present as a shadow and as unforgiving as a scorn lover. Myself. Like most good writers, and yes I fancy myself quite masterful with the written word, my worst enemy is myself. There’s always this ineradicable self-doubt and apprehensive feeling that clouds the anterior of my mind. It’s the brief moments where optimism shines through like sunrays on a cloudy day that I outwit myself and create. Like now.

Fiction writers are by nature a pretentious bunch of bastards that think far too much about words, worlds, things, and people that don’t exist. It’s a tortured life spent creating, changing, re-creating, then changing again, then again… then again. Most are so fearful of rejection and ridicule that they’re forced to hide their work like an overprotective mother bear. Not me. It’s one of the several “writer’s tropes/stereotypes” I’ve managed to escape. I figure, the ultimate goal of creating is to SHARE.  I freely and openly like to SHARE my work. Be it half-done, completed, or a single idea. I’m always looking to SHARE! Not to be praised, like so many others mistake or confuse, but to SHARE. To have other people experience and absorb my creations. Whether that work is love, loathed or something in-between is not for me to decide. The individual experience is just that; an INDIVIDUAL experience. I’m just the provider.

I’m starting to appreciate the grievance that is writing. The loneliness, the doubt, the excitement, the judgment, the whole kit, bang, and caboodle that is being a writer. I’ve said it before, but this is not a path for everyone. I wouldn’t suggest anyone do “this” for a “living”. SERIOUSLY! DON’T TRY THIS SHIT AT HOME! This is the greatest, and I mean GREATEST, risk versus reward career I could possibly fathom. There are more days than a few (and I even feel like this on GOOD days.) that I seriously question my decision. There are ZERO guarantees. There is a TON of established talent, upcoming talent, and future talent to compete with. There are people FAR LESS TALENTED than me that WILL succeed. People FAR MORE TALENTED than me that WILL succeed. 

Talented as I maybe, there’s a very good chance that all of “this” will be a waste of time. I have to live with that doubt DAILY. But you know what, I gladly do. My life’s journey is one in which something so friable and fatuous as “writing” is totally worth it. That is partly what this blog will serve as. As a way to give you an inside look of the thoughts on a writer. Some days I’ll talk about the outside factors (good and bad), how relationships affect my writing, or what it’s like to write comedy, or how I interact with other writers, or interviews with other writers, or what it’s like when someone likes my work, or when someone doesn’t. Some will be funny. Some will be sad. Some happy and others just plain weird. Who knows? Either way it should be semi-interesting. Or least I think so.

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