Some Like It Hot! 2nd Annual NFL Head Coach Hotseat Power Ranking

Carroll has turned the Seahawks into a budding juggernaut.

Another year, another dollar! The 2014 NFL season is almost upon us. Last year, I had the bright idea of writing an article previewing the season in an unconventional way. You can go anywhere to be told who’s going to be the breakout star or surprise team. Why would you want that? That’s boring... to me anyway. But who wouldn't want to know where their favorite team's head coach was sitting while riding the wacky NFL coaching carousel. No bullshit, Al Qaeda leaders have better job security than NFL head coaches.

This post is actually a huge moment for me because it’s the first time I’ve done a second edition of a previous article. So if you were around for last season’s post, I'd like to say thanks for sticking with me. Anyway, let’s see who’s in the hottest hotseat in 2014, but first, here’s a list of the “fallen” from last season. Cue, Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You."

Jim Schwartz, Lions

Mike Munchak, Titans

Gary Kubiak, Texans

Mike Shanahan, Racists, Redskins

Leslie Frazier, Vikings

Greg Schiano, Buccaneers

Rob Chudzinski, Browns (DUDE WAS A FIRST YEAR COACH IN THE NEUTRAL ZONE! Damn Cleveland! Doesn’t matter the sport, even your first year coaches aren’t safe! Mike Brown is somewhere nodding right now.)

Dead Man Walking (Norv Turner Award)

(Named After the Coach that survived the most seasons as a Dead Man Walking.)
Coaches here already have their pink slips under their office chairs, even if they don’t know it. These guys could literally be fired by the time I finish typing this. Only an improbable Super Bowl victory saves their jobs. 

Joe Philbin -  Miami Dolphins

After two bad Dolphins' seasons, including all the drama from last season, I’m as shocked as any that Philbin survived 2013. My only guess to why he got to keep his gig is Dolphins management figured he deserved a “do-over" after the Jonathan Martin/Richie Incognito fiasco. But if you ask me there's no way he should get a pass for all of the "in house drama" that took place down in South Beach. NFL head coaches are total control freaks in the locker room. I don't blame Bill Belichick for not knowing what Aaron Hernadez was doing off the field because coaches don't control that part of their players' lives. When it comes to everything on the field and in that locker room, head coaches are Alpha and Omega. If the Dolphins miss the playoffs this season Philbin will be calling LeBron James to ask, "Who did you get to move your stuff from Miami? Why? I'm ahhh. I'm asking for a friend."

Blazing Hot

The Coaches here are probably done after this season. Miss the playoffs and it’s over. Make the playoffs and it still may be over. They at least last through the season, but they’d need 10 plus victories and at least one playoff win to get another year.

Jason Garrett - Dallas Cowboys

Face of a winner.

Jason Garrett is like "Jason" in that he won't go away no matter how much death and destruction he causes. He's made the “Blazing Hot” list in back-to-back years and that's NOT a good thing by the way. I predicted that the 2013 Cowboys would have a shot to make the playoffs, blow it and somehow go 8-8. They smell even worst than that this season. Losing Sean Lee doesn’t help and Romo may or may not be 100%. Truth be told, Romo is the only reason the Cowboys are as good as they have been. It’s hard to see Jerry Jones giving Garrett another year if Dallas doesn’t make the playoffs in 2014. He should be our "Dead Man Walking" but then again it is Dallas and God knows what the hell they’re doing down there.

Dennis Allen - Oakland Raiders

Do you remember anything positive or negative about the 2013 Oakland Raiders? Nope me either. You could've told me that the NFL instituted relegation during the 2013 season and the Raiders played in the CFL. That's how out of touched the Raiders felt last season. (Relegation is used in English soccer leagues. It's a policy where the worst team each year moves down to a lower league.) I don’t see any scenario (Outside of Peyton Manning, Philip Rivers, and Alex Smith murdering one another in a three-way cage match to the death.) where the immortal Matt Schaub leads the Raiders into the playoffs. Which means I don’t see Allen in Oakland much longer.

Rex Ryan - New York Jets

Ryan pulled a Norv Turner in that he kept a job he had no business keeping. Coming off that feat alone I had to move him down a level… or up… I’m still not sure how movement on this scale works. The Jets added a few nice pieces, most notable dogkiller, QB Michael Vick. Unless Geno Smith turns into a beast, which I DON’T see happening, I can already see the QB controversy in New York. Did Rex not learn from the whole Tim Tebow thing?! Rex's just really into overrated, overhyped super polarizing quarterbacks I guess. It’s been fun but it’s over if you miss the playoffs Rex.

 Hot & Heating Up

Coaches here are in some trouble. Expectations are high so they must win but if they loss too badly they could be out.

Mike Smith - Atlanta Falcons

Mike Smith how the hell did you survive going 4-12?!?! With a healthy Matt Ryan no less?! A drop off that bad can normally be directly attributed to an injury to your star QB. Falcon management must've felt Smith was owed a pass because of the Julio Jones injury and for getting Atlanta back on track after the Bobby Petrino/Michael Vick mess. Injuries aside, the Falcons are perennial under performers and Smith's leash is as short as it's ever been. A revamped D, and a healthy Julio should equal a bounce back year for Atlanta. But all bets are off on Smith keeping his job if the Falcons have another season like 2013.

Ron Rivera - Carolina Panthers

Rivera is as intense on the sideline as he was on the field.

Ron Rivera, a lame duck coach on the verge of looking through the classifieds for a high school coaching job, successfully reshaped himself into Riverboat Ron, a risk takin' SOB that doesn't take shit! Riverboat Ron led the Panthers into the playoffs, kept his job, played himself off the "Blazing List" and moved up, or down still not sure, to the H&H list. Good, no GREAT job Riverboat Ron! That being said, I don’t see the Panthers going anywhere in 2014. I'm factoring in a much tougher schedule and that little part where the Saints and Falcons have both improved. I don’t think Ron’s in as bad as shape as he was coming into last season, he’s not out of the woods by any means.

Marvin Lewis - Cincinnati Bengals

Only Bill Belichick has been with his team longer than Marvin Lewis has been with the Bengals. That's surprising considering one guy is a three time Super Bowl champion and the other guy is well, Marvin Fucking Lewis! Three straight trips to the playoffs means there's a lot more pressure on him than there use to be. Cincinnati is rich with talent on both sides of the ball and the return of Pro Bowl D-Lineman Geno Atkins means the Bengals should be a lot better going into the playoffs. I say "going into the playoffs" because anything less is a total and complete failure. Given how much money they committed to Andy “I haven’t proven I can win a playoff game but thanks for the money anyway” Dalton, Cincy has lofty goals not for their future, but for right now.

Toasty

The coaches here aren’t in any real trouble but all bets are off if they lose 10 plus. Coaches here are relatively safe if they win 7 or more games.

Gus Bradley - Jacksonville Jaguars

Damn son! Shit was all good just a week ago! Neutral list to Toasty in one year. That took some doing cause outside Cleveland, you get at least two seasons before you start feeling the heat. The Jags sucked harder than a hooker on Valentine's Day in 2013. Most of it could be blamed on their horrid QB situation that Bradley inherited. Now that he’s got his own QB in Blake Bortles (Who I think is going to be pretty good by the way.) there aren't going to be many excuses left. Given the success of rookie QBs the last few years, I don't think people in Jacksonville see a Super Bowl coming in 2014, but no way they should be 4-12 again.

Doug Marrone - Buffalo Bills

The Bills weren't great and like Bradley, its only Marrone’s second year but he doesn’t feel safe at all to me. QB EJ Manuel had to deal with a few injuries so it’s not all Marrone’s fault they were bad in 2013. Buffalo have the longest playoff drought in the NFL so expectations are never that high. But I’m sure they’d like to go to the playoffs sometime in my kid’s lifetime. Last year he was on the Neutral list but I could see Buffalo moving on if he’s really bad this second season. A few coaches from the Neutral list got the ax and it wouldn't be a shock if Marrone were one of those guys in 2014.

Neutral  

These coaches are just safe. They could lose 10 plus and still come back, but they definitely see more heat in the next season if they do that. Most of these coaches either just got the job or are in year two of the job. The ones that have a year of service start to move up or down after this season. But for this season, they could win or lose and they still return. (NOTE: Names in bold are coaches in their 1st with a team.)

Chip Kelly has brought happy times to Philly.

Chip Kelly - Philadelphia Eagles

From an offensive X’s and O’s standpoint, Kelly very well could be the best coach in the NFL. Philly’s dynamic offensive scheme helped turn Nick Foles into a Pro Bowler and in turn, me into a back-to-back Fantasy Football Champion! Thanks Chip! Expectations are rightfully very high in Philly. Especially seeing how shaky the Giants, Cowboys and Washington all look. I see the Eagles at least winning the NFC East, but I’m sure Kelly and the Eagles are aiming much higher than a division title.

Bruce Arians - Arizona Cardinals

People forget that this guy was almost a back-to-back Coach of the Year! Arians won in 2012 during “ChuckStrong” and could have won it last season as well. He got 10 wins in the NFL’s toughest division and somehow made the corpse of Carson Palmer look like a real NFL QB again. That alone should have gotten the guy at least co-COY. The NFC West looks to be a just as tough in 2014, with the 49ers and Seahawks being Super Bowl favorites so I could see the Cards winning fewer games. Either way, winning or losing season, Arians is one of the safest in the Neutral zone.

Andy Reid - Kansas City Chiefs

The 2013 Chiefs surprised all with their 11-5 season but not me. A bad division, new good coach replacing an old horrible coach, and a soft schedule meant everything was in place for Reid to have success in year one. You'll notice as their opponents got better down the stretch, the Chiefs got worse. Alex Smith is "serviceable" but he's not winning you a Super Bowl. If Reid couldn't win it all in Philly when Donovan McNabb was at the peak of his powers, no way he's winning it with a WAYYY less talented noodle armed Alex Smith. 2014 doesn’t look like it's going to be as nice as 2013 in Kansas City. However, even if they lose, Reid won’t feel much heat... yet.

Marc Trestman - Chicago Bears

Mike Pettine – Cleveland Browns

Jim Caldwell – Detroit Lions

Bill O’Brien – Houston Texans

Chuck Pagano – Indianapolis Colts

Mike Zimmer - Minnesota Vikings

Mike McCoy - San Diego Chargers

Jeff Fisher – St. Louis Rams

Lovie Smith – Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Ken Whisenhunt – Tennessee Titans

Jay Gruden – Washington Racists Redskins

Unmovable

Nothing to say because the coaches here aren’t going anywhere. They’ve got Super Bowl appearances and/or Super Bowl wins. They'd have to lose 10 plus for a few years before they feel an ounce of heat. These guys basically quit/retire to lose their jobs.

After leading the Broncos to the Super Bowl, John Fox upgraded to unmovable.

John Harbaugh – Baltimore Ravens

John Fox- Denver Broncos

Mike McCarthy – Green Bay Packers

Mike Tomlin – Pittsburgh Steelers

Sean Payton – New Orleans Saints

Tom Coughlin – New York Giants

Jim Harbaugh – San Francisco 49ers

Peter Carroll – Seattle Seahawks

God Mode (Nick Saban Award)

(Named After The Coach With Greatest Job Security in the history of football.)

This slot is saved for the one guy that could lose every year for a decade and still not move. When this guy retires, the team is going to try to talk him into staying longer. This guy is NEVER EVER feeling heat. He has statues outside of the stadium, fans name they’re babies after him and water towers in his hometown have his name painted across them. He doesn’t lose the job until he quits the job and if he wants to come back, you fire the guy that replaced him on the spot if it means he coaches your team again.

Bill Belichick – New England Patriots

Some Like It Hot! 1st Annual NFL Head Coach Hot-Seat Power Rankings

Bill Belichick and Rex Ryan; You could say they're two guys
on polar opposite sides of the Power Rankings.

Do you feel it? Do you see it? The chill in the air. The browning of the leaves. All annual signs that it’s the start of a new NFL season and with it the chance/hope your favorite team can continue their excellence or return to its former glory.

As much as I love seeing which teams will step forward and which ones will fall back, I get just as much joy in the NFL coaching carousel. Watching NFL coaches squirm and wither away from the ever-mounting pressure of losses, the fans and ownership is as entertaining as the games themselves at times. In honor of all this “morbid” fun, I’m starting a new annual tradition. Let’s take a look at all of the coaches in the NFL and the level of job security each enjoys (Some are "enjoying" job security like a hard kick to the nads.) in my 1st Annual NFL Coaching Hot-Seat Power Rankings.

Dead Man Walking (Norv Turner Award)

(Named After the Coach that survived the most seasons as a Dead Man Walking.)
Coaches here already have their pink slips under their office chairs, even if they don’t know it. These guys could literally be fired by the time I finish typing this. Only an improbable Super Bowl victory saves their jobs. 

Rex Ryan – New York Jets 

Oh Rex! How we’ve all enjoyed the "funny" press conferences, Sanchez tattoos and foot fetish videos but it’s all over. Rex Ryan is the example of a guy that reached a job that far exceeded his qualifications. He’s a defensive coordinator at heart so we shouldn't be so surprised he backed the wrong QB and his team has zero offensive firepower. Rex’s seat is so hot, he may not last a full season in New York.

Blazing Hot 

The Coaches here are probably done after this season. Miss the playoffs and it’s over. Make the playoffs and it still may be over. They at least last through the season, but they’d need 10 plus victories and at least one playoff win to get another year.

Jim Schwartz – Detroit Lions

Schwartz is your classic case of a head coach with a seemingly talented team but he isn't winning. He's got a franchise QB, superstar playmakers on offense and defense, so why can’t he win? Look, dude did takeover a 0-16 team, so some credit has to be given but the team is far too talented now to be going 4-12.

The Lions have been horribly undisciplined at times and that always points to a lack of leadership from the head coach. Detroit MUST make the playoffs for Schwartz to come back in 2014. You can’t keep wasting the prime years of guys like Calvin Johnson and Matt Stafford.

The Texas heat isn't the only thing Garrett is feeling.

Jason Garrett – Dallas Cowboys 

I don’t care what Jerry Jones says about Garrett’s job security, this guy is toast if Dallas flops again. Few teams go into each season with as much unwarranted hype as the Cowboys, (Much to they’re own doing most of the time.) so the guy that coaches Dallas will always be under pressure. With Garrett at the helm the Cowboys have gone 5-3, 8-8 and 8-8. Far below the number of wins a team with this type of talent should have.

Bill Callahan was brought in this off season to handle the play calling duties, which still doesn't make any sense to me. I thought that was supposed to be Garrett’s strongest quality as a NFL coach, his unique and aggressive play calling. It’s like having a great pastry chef at your restaurant but when the restaurant starts failing you decide to bring in another pastry chef and move the great one you already had over to the grill to cook steaks. Makes no sense. 

Ron Rivera – Carolina Panthers

Unlike the two coaches above him, Ron Rivera doesn’t quite have the same level of overall talent, but his biggest issue is he seem's to have a franchise QB in Cam Newton but he can’t get the best out of him. There are few things worst/annoying than owning a fast car (Newton) and always driving under the speed limit. (Winning fewer than 8 games.)

In Rivera’s defense, in both of his two seasons as the head coach, the Panthers played much better in the second half. Carolina needs to get off to a much faster start in 2013 and at least be above .500. They win at least 8 games and Newton looks improved, I say Rivera could be safe for another season. Anything less and it’s over.

Mike Munchak – Tennessee Titans

This team really doesn’t look to be going anywhere under Munchak. They don’t look good or average. They’re bad but they don’t look like a complete dumpster fire either. Jake Locker doesn’t seem to be the right guy at QB and Chris Johnson hasn’t been the same since he sat out for his new contract. Playoffs and 10 plus wins saves Munchak’s job. 6-10 and no playoffs again and he’s unemployed.

Hot & Heating Up

Coaches here are in some trouble. Expectations are high so they must win but if they loss too badly they could be out.

Kubiak needs to win big to stay safe beyond 2013.

Gary Kubiak – Houston Texans

I was really close to putting Gary Kubiak in the list of coaches above, but he’s had too much recent success to say he’s in that much trouble. Unlike the Cowboys, Lions and Panthers, the Texans are coming off a season where they had 12 wins, won the division, made the playoffs and won a playoff game. 

Kubiak has the team moving in the right direction the only question is the same question you have with the team’s QB Matt Schaub. Can he get you over the hump? Like Schaub, you can win games with Kubiak, but can he win you Super Bowls?

Mike Smith – Atlanta Falcons

Mike Smith faces the same questions and situation as Kubiak. You could honestly read the above thoughts, replace Kubiak with Smith and Texans with Falcons and it’d be pretty “spot-on” for what Smith is going through in Atlanta. Including the same questions with his QB. The Falcons however, have far more aerial offensive firepower and Matt Ryan is probably a more talented QB than Schaub. Besides that, the Falcons are to the NFC what the Texans are to the AFC.

Toasty 

The coaches here aren’t in any real trouble but all bets are off if they lose 10 plus. Coaches here are relatively safe if they win 7 or more games.

Marvin Lewis – Cincinnati Bengals 

Marvin Lewis has been the coach of the Bengals for over a decade now with "mixed" results. His best team in 2005 looked primed to win big in the playoffs until Carson Palmer got his knee blown out and that was that. Palmer hasn't been the same since and neither were the Bengals. The Bengals really seem to be on the right track since they got Andy Dalton and A.J. Green but Lewis better start winning playoff games soon. There always seems to be some heat on Lewis so he can coach under the pressure, but 10 years, no playoff victories and underachieving with a team that looks to have great balance on both sides of the ball is not a good look. But he’s a Black coach and I gotta support the guy. It’s a Black Law. Like defending OJ and hating George Zimmerman.

Shanahan is pretty safe in Washington thanks to RG3.

Mike Shanahan – Washington Redskins

I really hate this team's nickname, so when addressing them I’ll only type or say “Washington”. Shanahan finally has his best QB since John Elway and he almost immediately screwed it up. Washington wasn’t expected to do anything in 2012, so getting 10 wins, the NFC East crown and making the playoffs should be seen as a huge success. Shanahan put a lot of pressure on himself by his mismanagement of Robert Griffin III's knee injury in the playoffs.              

That pressure has only increased after Shanahan said the team has Super Bowl or bust expectations. If Washington makes the playoffs again in 2013 it should still be seen as a great season. Especially seeing where the team’s coming from the past 15 years, but not making the playoffs isn’t the end of the world either. Shanahan would have to lose at least 13 games, get RG3 injured or killed, drive down to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and slap President Obama to lose his job.

Leslie Frazier – Minnesota Vikings

I’m sure even Frazier himself didn’t see the Vikings having a playoff season in 2012. Namely because his best player Adrian Peterson was coming back from ACL surgery, his QB was “subpar” at best and his defense was aging fasted than milk left out on the counter on a hot day. But Minnesota won anyway.

Peterson had the greatest season ever for a running back, won the MVP, carried the team into the playoffs and probably saved Frazier’s job in the process. The Vikings could and should slip a bit in 2013 and Frazier would still return, but if they lose 10 plus, and look bad doing it, he’s gone. I was "this" close to putting Frazier in "Hot and Heating Up", but remember he's Black.

Neutral 

These coaches are just safe. They could lose 10 plus and still come back, but they definitely see more heat in the next season if they do that. Most of these coaches either just got the job or are in year two of the job. The ones that have a year of service start to move up or down after this season. But for this season, they could win or lose and they still return.

Carroll's all smiles in Seattle.

Pete Carroll – Seattle Seahawks

The Seahawks looked primed and ready to do big things in 2013. They have all the talent in the world on both sides of the ball and Carroll really looks to have the team focused on bigger goals than the division title. Russell Wilson just might be the greatest draft day steal in NFL history and could probably run for mayor of Seattle and win in a landslide.

Carroll isn’t in the next group of coaches because he’s missing that sustained or exceptional playoff success. Win or lose he’s safe to return in 2013. Win big and Carroll goes up a level in job safety. Lose big and he goes down a level. Carroll would have to have the Seahawks lose 13 plus and run plays with their helmets on backwards to get fired. 

John Fox – Denver Broncos

John Fox is one of the best coaches in the league that hasn’t won a Super Bowl. He took Tim “I Can’t Complete a Five Yard Out” Tebow and turned him into a playoff winning QB. He went to the Super Bowl with Jake Delhomme! (RE-READ THAT LAST SENTENCE!) So it comes as no surprise to me when he got Peyton Manning last season, he won 13 games including 11 in a row. 

Fox had one of the freakiest stats in NFL history at one point. Teams he coached had a record of 50+ and 0 when his offense scored at least 24 points. That all changed versus Black Jesus Black Tebow Ray Lewis and the Ravens last year. Fox and the Broncos have Super Bowl dreams again, and like Carroll, he could move up or down on this list depending on his team’s success in 2013.

Gus Bradley – Jacksonville Jaguars
Andy Reid – Kansas City Chiefs
Rob Chudzinski – Cleveland Browns
Joe Philbin - Miami Dolphins
Chip Kelly – Philadelphia Eagles
Marc Trestman – Chicago Bears
Jeff Fisher – St. Louis Rams
Greg Schiano - Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Mike McCoy - San Diego Chargers
Bruce Arians – Arizona Cardinals
Chuck Pagano – Indianapolis Colts
Doug Marrone – Buffalo Bills
Dennis Allen – Oakland Raiders

Unmovable

Nothing to say because the coaches here aren’t going anywhere. They’ve got Super Bowl appearances and/or Super Bowl wins. They'd have to lose 10 plus for a few years before they feel an ounce of heat. These guys basically quit/retire to lose their jobs.

The Harbaughs are going nowhere anytime soon.

Jim Harbaugh – San Francisco 49ers
John Harbaugh – Baltimore Ravens
Mike Tomlin – Pittsburg Steelers
Tom Couglin – New York Giants
Mike McCarthy – Green Bay Packers
Sean Payton – New Orleans Saints

God Mode (Saban Award) 

(Named After The Coach With Greatest Job Security in the history of football.)
This slot is saved for the one guy that could lose every year for a decade and still not move. When this guy retires, the team is going to try to talk him into staying longer. This guy is NEVER EVER feeling heat. He has statues outside of the stadium, fans name they’re babies after him and water towers in his hometown have his name painted across them. He doesn’t lose the job until he quits the job and if he wants to come back, you fire the guy that replaced him on the spot if it means he coaches your team again.

Bill Belichick – New England Patriots

Join the debate by leaving a comment below. Did you like my list or no? Did it get it right or wrong? Feel free to let me know. You can follow me on Twitter @ParisLay. Thanks for reading and as always Enjoy the View!

Ode to the Fallen – 1st Annual NFL Year-End Review: NFC PT. 1

Click Here for AFC PT. 2

Why do I love football? Because in one game, just one game, these are some of the things we saw: A late comeback, a pulse pounding last minute drive, a game-winning field goal, the Packers drop to the 3 seed and lose the first round-bye, the 49ers get the 2 seed and first round bye, a guy become the 7^th guy to rush for 2,000 yards, that same guy come just nine yards shy of the NFL rushing record, the Vikings make the playoffs and most importantly, THE BEARS MISS THE PLAYOFFS! All those things happened in ONE GAME! I love the NBA and I “like” MLB, (My team is the Chicago Cubs so I’ve been a little out on baseball lately.) but drama like that, only happens in the NFL. As the curtain closes on the 2012 NFL regular season, I’ll tell you the five biggest things I learned and I’ll give you my two-cents on each team. (Maybe more depending on the team of course. Jacksonville fans, it’s going to be two cents.)

1.     .      You got NO CHANCE if you don’t have a QB. Think about all the teams that really sucked this year. Outside of a few teams (And one had to be MY TEAM) with a “decent” QB, you could point to a total dumpster fire at the QB position as the main reason for a large amount of the trouble those teams ran into during 2012. When you see the way Russell Wilson, Andrew Luck, and Robert Griffin III played this season, there’s no reason you can’t believe that your team can’t turn it around like that when you have the right guy pulling the trigger.
2.             Coaching matters a lot more than we thought. With every game the Saints lost, the amount they had to pay Sean Payton went up about a million dollars. With coaches like Andy Reid, Norv Turner, and Romeo Crennel finding new ways to lose games, the value of quality coaching is more evident then ever. (That and the fact that 7 head coaches got fired on the Monday after the season ended. You’d think the NFL was Enron the way teams were handing people their walking papers.)
3.             It’s becoming impossible to defend the middle of the field and play safety. With the NFL cracking down on hits to the head, it’s become almost a guaranteed flag if a guy gets hit too hard. Even when defenders led with their shoulders they were getting flagged this year. The referees clearly believe that if a guy gets hit hard and gets up slowly it’s a penalty, regardless if they can see what happened or not.
4.           The NFL totally blew the whole “BountyGate” thing. They never had a shred of “real” evidence against the players and even the old Commissioner, couldn’t let that slide like they, the NFL, thought he would. I do find the irony of Paul Tagliabue coming back and letting MORE players off the hook very sweet. (He’s someone who was always called out for being too soft on the players.)
5.             Real referees know what they’re doing. It’s the reason the Packers are playing this weekend. You just knew that game was coming back to haunt them.

NFC EAST

Washington Redskins (10-6) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

He's got a reason to be happy, as the Skins are
back in the playoff for the first time since 1999.

Simply put, the Redskins were so fun to watch this year. From his opening game, RG3 has been the league’s most electric player and must-see TV every time the Washington offense took the field. Having one seven straight games going into the playoffs, they’re definitely one of the league’s hottest teams. I credit the Shanahans for having the good sense to build their team’s offense around its best player. The Redskins ate teams alive all year with that spread option and no one's quite figured out how to stop it. I’ll be really interested to see them in the playoffs.  It’s the first time since the 1940’s that a team’s going into the playoffs with two rookies as it’s leading passer and rusher. Not bad for a team that had it’s own coach call them toast a few weeks ago.

New York Giants (9-7) Missed Playoffs

Hey, you know that really cool thing the Giants do every year where they “flip a switch”, get hot down the stretch and win the Super Bowl? Yeah, they didn’t do that this year. The Giants took that “wait till the playoffs” thing a bit too far this season. Eli didn’t look close to the Eli of last year. (Last year, he set an NFL record for the most 4^th quarter touchdowns in a season and threw for almost 5,000 yards. If it weren’t for the “other” QBs in New York he would have gotten crushed. He should send Sanchez and Tebow a freaking thank you cards.) The pass rush wasn’t nearly as dominant as it’s been in the pass few seasons and they honestly looked like a team that thought a little too highly of themselves. Funny thing, I’m sure this season motivates them to greatness next season, so look out in 2013.

Dallas Cowboys (8-8) Missed Playoffs

This look says it all.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. The Cowboys play a season ending game that, if they win, gets them into the playoffs AND they lose said game. Let’s have an honest moment for a second; no one thought that the Cowboys were winning that game. It’s just not in their DNA. The Cowboys have been an accident waiting to happen all year long. (Pardon the pun because of thereal tragedy.) At the time of me writing this, they still have Tony Romo and Jason Garrett, and I don’t think either man gets them back to that Super Bowl level they want to be at. Their stadium always seems to be like a home game for the team they’re facing. Dez Bryant did finally play up to his potential though. He earned “warrior” status for playing the last few games with a broken finger. In the end, I’m not sure what the Cowboys need to do but they weren’t any closer to winning this year than they were last year. With Sean Payton getting locked up again by the Saints, I’m not sure there’s a “big” move to be made. I mean besides Jerry Jones stepping down and letting someone else run the team, but there's a better chance of me becoming the CEO of Apple than that happening.

Philadelphia Eagles (4-12) Missed Playoffs

You'll find a job, don't worry.

Damn, it seems like the Eagles should have been so much worst. Or at least they’re record should have been worst. Looking back at their schedule, they could have and SHOULD HAVE lost every game this season. Here are the winning scores of their four victories; 17-16 over Cleveland. (Needed a late TD to win.) 24-23 over Baltimore. (Needed another late TD to win.) 19-17 over the Giants. (Needed a late FG to win.) 23-21 over Jacksonville. (Needed a LAST PLAY OF THE GAME TD to win.) Four wins by a combined 6 points! Sadly, for all the “talent” they have I think they need a complete retooling of the roster. Anyone not named “McCoy” can get the hook if you ask me. All of the personal trouble he had to start the season aside, Andy Reid had to go. Sometimes you just need a new start and so does your team. This is the classic case of both parties needing a fresh start. Not sure who they get to take his place however. I’m sure he won’t be jobless very long and neither will his former QB Michael Vick because he’s out of Philly too. Vick was a turnover machine this year and I think we’re starting to see all of those hits finally take their toll on him. He can’t stay healthy, he doesn’t have the wheels he use to have, and he reads defenses about as well as a blind QB would. It’s going to be a long, long, offseason in Philly.

NFC North

Green Bay Packers (11-5) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

This team looks scary good, lost to the Vikings not withstanding, and they honestly look primed for another championship run. Back in 2010, the Packers got healthy at the end of the season and rode that wave all the way to a Super Bowl. The defense is still super suspect and I don’t totally trust them to make a big stop when they need it. But the Packers do have the one thing on there team that no other team in the league has; Aaron “I can make any throw because I’m an alien and my arm isn’t from Earth” Rodgers. When you got the best QB in the league you always got a chance to win it all.

Minnesota Vikings (10-6) Wildcard, Playoff Berth

The rotting stinking corpse known as the 2012 Vikings were dragged into the playoffs by Superman. I mean Adrian Peterson. It seems like science has finally reached the point where they really can rebuild you and make you better. Peterson’s 2,097 rushing yards are second all-time and just 9 yards shy of the NFL record. All this, facing 8 to 9 man boxes and the opposing defenses’ complete and total knowledge that HE WAS GETTING THE BALL ON DAMN NEAR EVERYPLAY! That said, I don’t think the Vikings get past the Packers this weekend. Do you really think Christian Ponder wins a playoff game in Lambeau Field? (Only with the help of  “Christ” in his name that is.) Even though he’s been great all year and he was just great against them, I don’t see Peterson having another 200-yard day against Green Bay. Peterson may not have rush for the record but he ran the Vikings into the playoffs and he may have rushed himself into the league’s MVP award.

Chicago Bears (10-6) Missed Playoffs

It's a sad day when 10-6 gets you fired.

At first glance you’d think, “How can you fire a guy that was 10-6?” But looking deeper you’ll find out that the Bears only made the playoffs three times in Lovie Smith's nine seasons and only once in the last six. Ouch! Now in an economy like this, I normally wouldn’t say a “brother” should lose his job, but with a track record like that, no way was Lovie coming back. You can only change offensive coordinators so many times. I still like the pieces that the Bears have on the offensive side of the ball but the defense showed their age down the stretch and Jay Cultler got banged up again. Strange thing is, this team was once 7-1 and looking like a clear-cut Super Bowl contender. That seems like a really long time ago now.

Detroit Lions (4-12) Missed Playoffs

I’m a Lions fan and a friend asked me, “Hey what’s wrong with the Lions this year?” I laughed and said, “Nothing, they’re just the f***ing Lions!” The great season of a year ago didn’t fool me. Jim Schwartz survived the "bloodbath" on Monday but I’m not sure he should have. The Lions are incredibly undisciplined and that’s always a coaching problem. Although he did break a major receiving record, Calvin Johnson had the greatest garbage time stats season of all time. (Total empty calories in my opinion. ’11 Stats: 96 Catches 1,681 Yards and 16 TDs = 10 wins. ’12 Stats: 122 Catches 1,964 Yards 5 TDs = 4 wins.) I’m still not totally sold on Matt Stafford. He seems like he has all the physical tools to be a franchise QB, but that “it” factor seems to be missing. The Lions also need to improve their rushing attack to gain some balance on offense and upgrades on the defensive side of the ball wouldn’t hurt either. Never has a team seemed so close but yet so far.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons (13-3) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

This team could have gone 16-0 and I still would not have believed in them. Atlanta’s been crushed too many times in the postseason for me to think anything they do in the regular season matters. Matt Ryan had a career year leading a very powerful aerial attack and he’s a borderline MVP candidate but they’re offense ranks 29^th in rushing. That’s a huge red flag going into the playoffs when you don’t have a QB named Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady. Michael Turner is a shell of a shell of himself. Their defense is in the top half of the BACK of the NFL. Never a “good” thing, but they did seem to make a lot of timely stops this season. In the end, a very nice season but we’ve heard it all before Atlanta. Go win a game in the “second-season” and I’ll start taking you more seriously.

Carolina Panthers (7-9) Missed Playoffs

The Panthers seemed like the same team they were a season ago. The record was close, 6-10 a year ago versus 7-9 and another four-game win streak to close out the year again. Like last year, it took the Panthers a whole season to figure out how to actually “win” games. After looking more like “Clark Kent” in the beginning of the season, Cam Newton seemed to get into a groove down the stretch, but it was a little too late. I’d like to see them add a weapon or two in the off-season. Maybe a receiver because Steve Smith is getting up there in age. The DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart dual backfield has “backfired” and their defense was only “okay”. Not bad or good but just “okay. That’s good enough to win games and I think their close but their “losing seven out of eight games during the middle of the season and then running off four victories to end the year” strategy doesn’t seem to be a winning formula. I know, crazy that that doesn’t work huh.

New Orleans Saints (7-9) Missed Playoffs

He changed his name to changed to Sean "Pay-Him".

This season has been like a bad dream that the Saints just couldn’t wake up from. “BountyGate” pretty much doomed them from the start. As I mentioned in the top-five things I learned, coaching is really important. No way you lose one of the best coaches in the league and still be a playoff team. There’s a reason those guys, NFL coaches that is, make more than any other coaches in any other sport. Two greatest examples of the importance of coaching; Sean Payton this year and Bill Belichick making Matt Cassel look like a Pro-Bowler back in 2008. To me, the Saints are fine. The defense was never that good and Brees just threw for 5,000 yards… again and 40 plus TDs… again. He’s the first and only guy to do that in back-to-back seasons. All the Saints need is their head coach back.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-9) Missed Playoffs

At one point this season I really, really liked the Bucs. They had the whole “new coach comes from college and turns the team around in one year” thing going for them with Greg Schiano. (Think Jim Harbaugh with the 49ers last season.) At one point, they were 6-4, riding a four-game winning streak, Josh Freeman was looking like a Pro Bowler and then the wheels came off. They lost five of their last 6 games and looked really bad doing it. (They lost 41-0 to the Saints. They couldn’t score a point against the worst defense in the league. 10 friends and I can score a field goal on the Saints.) They have some really nice pieces on offense and they have the number one defense against the run but they were dead last against the past. When Aqib Talib was traded it was only a matter of time until their secondary fell completely apart. Sure that up in the draft and I think we’re looking at a playoff team next season.

NFC West

San Francisco 49ers (11-4-1) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

The 49ers may have punched their ticket to the Super Bowl when they moved Colin Kaepernick into the starting QB spot. God love Alex Smith but he’s just not going to get the 49ers over the hump and they knew it. It takes some balls to move the QB with the 3^rd highest QB rating in the league at the time out of the starting lineup but I really think it was the best move. Kaepernick makes you have to fear the 49ers offense a lot more than you would with Smith pulling the trigger. They have a top-five defense in all the key stats. (4^th against the pass and the run and 2^nd in points allowed.) That same defense did get “boat raced” by both Seattle and New England in back-to-back games at the end of the year but I still like them a lot. Not having to go to Seattle or Green Bay to win a playoff game really helps them and the taste of losing last year’s NFC Championship game still has to be motivating them.

Seattle Seahawks (11-5) Wildcard, Playoff Berth

Wilson and the Seahawks look ready to roll.

I really, really want to have the guts to say that the Seahawks are going to win the Super Bowl. I love their defense. 6^th against the pass, 10^th against the rush and 1^st in points allowed. They can run the ball. 3^rd in rushing and Lynch finished 3^rd in rushing in the league. I love their QB. Russell Wilson, not Luck or RG3, finished with the most passing TDs for rookie QB. Seattle was in every game this season and they didn’t get blown out all year. The only, and I mean ONLY, reason I’m not picking them is they have to go on the road to win the Super Bowl as a wildcard team. That home-field advantage in Seattle is crazy. It’s almost college like. If they were at home they’d win it all or at least get there. I love their team and I LOVE Russell Wilson, but no way I’m picking a rookie QB to lead a wildcard team to the Super Bowl. I do think he can lead them past the Redskins. Both teams run a similar style of offense but I give the edge to the Seahawks because they have a better defense.

St. Louis Rams (7-8-1) Missed Playoffs

The Rams looked “okay” this season. A lot better than last year that’s for sure. I really like how they responded to Jeff Fisher as their head coach. He took a team that was at the back of the NFL last year and moved them into the middle of the pack. (18^th in passing, 19^th in rushing, 15^th against the pass and run.) But all I’ll say is click on this link and read the first paragraph about RG3 and the Rams.

Arizona Cardinals (5-11) Missed Playoffs

This team authored some of the worst, no, THE WORST quarterbacking I’ve ever seen at ANY level of football in my life. I really felt like I was going to see Larry Fitzgerald snap and start choking the QBs in the huddle at some point this season. They were the second worst team I saw all year long. (And yes, the Lions lost to them, snapping their nine-game losing streak. I need to stop now before I start ranting about the Lions again. UGH! I HATE THE LIONS!) I’m not totally sure Ken Whisenhunt should have been fired because he’s a good coach that's been saddled with really bad quarterbacks. You got to remember, when he had Kurt Warner the Cards made the playoffs in back-to-back seasons including a run to the Super Bowl.  Mind you, a Super Bowl that they almost won. He led the Arizona Cardinals to a Super Bowl! (RE READ THAT LAST SENTENCE.) I like a few of their pieces on defense, especially Patrick Peterson but they need a complete retooling on the offensive side of the ball. Dead last in rushing and 28^th in passing. I mean they need so many new parts on the offensive side of the ball it’s almost comical and a new QB is number one on that "needs list". Check the top of this post. NO QB… NO CHANCE IN HELL… PERIOD.

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