What Does It Really Matter?

Want to know something really scary? I don’t give a damn about women. I don’t give a damn about kids. And I don’t give a damn about men. And neither do you. None of us give two shits about any of these things because if we did, none of us would ever watch another NFL game. We are all mindless sheep akin to the thousands of Romans that would pour into the Colosseum back in the early years of the ADs to watch men slaughter one another for their amusement. Just like those simple-minded boobs, we have a bloodlust that MUST BE FILLED! And it must be filled at ANY AND ALL COST!

I don’t need a scientific report to tell me that men, weighing as much as 350 pounds, running at 4.3-4.5 40 yard-dash speeds, crashing into one another is REALLY FUCKING DANGEROUS!  And if it (football) didn’t exist already and someone thought of this shit today, we’d ask them if they lost their damn mind. “So let me get this straight? You want giant ass freaks of men to ram head first into one another over and over for 3 hours? And all for the sake of entertainment you say? Are you fucking crazy? That's a horrible idea! A, no one would do it and B, no one would watch it!” It’s no surprise that these men playing a violent sport are committing violent acts off the field. There isn’t a doctor alive that wouldn’t say repeated head trauma doesn’t have a drastic effect on a person’s behavior. Roger Goodell knows this. The NFL knows this. The players know this. You know this. I know this. But no one gives a shit. They’re going to keep playing and we’re going to keep watching.

You’d think the NFL would have started taking domestic violence serious after one of the countless arrest for domestic violence since Goodell's taken over as commissioner. Or maybe after last season when a player shot the mother of his child seven times then killed himself in front of the coach and GM of his team. Or maybe after they saw a player dragging his unconscious fiancee out of an elevator like a sack of potatoes. But oh no! Those things weren’t enough. It wasn’t until TMZ showed us what we had all ALREADY KNEW happened, did you, or the NFL, start to act like they give a damn about domestic violence.

Folks, reading about domestic violence is one thing. A picture is one thing too, but SEEING it happen is a WHOLE other can of worms. I'll explain. According to some music critics and historians, Ike Turner invented rock-n-roll as we know it, but no one remembers him for that. Did you know the book that the 1993 bio-pic What’s Love Got To Do With It was based on the 1986 book I, Tina? As in, what Ike had done to Tina was known for at least seven years prior to the release of the film. Before 1993, Ike Turner still enjoyed a relatively lucrative career in music via touring and booking shows, but that all stopped once the movie hit (Pardon the Pun) theaters.

After June 9th, 1993, Ike Turner was about as untouchable as a Big Mac from Chernobyl. Overnight he was instantly vilified and became the international poster boy for woman abusers. I mean, his name pretty much became a verb to describe hitting a woman. For years, Turner claimed that the abuse was vastly overplayed in the film, but the damage was done. We didn’t even see Ike hit Tina for real. We saw Laurence Fishburne pretend to hit Angela Bassett but just the visual portrayal of domestic violence was enough to cook Ike Turner. (Somewhere Chris Brown is thanking God his run in with Rihanna wasn’t caught on tape.)

The point is Ike Turner hit women. We knew that and we didn't need a movie to figure it out. Just like we knew James Brown, Sam Cooke, Jimi Hendrix, and countless other soul singers, hit women. In both Jimi Hendrix and James Brown’s bio-pic from this year, domestic abuse is only shown once, because they know the damage it can cause. For whatever reason, SEEING it somehow makes it "real" I guess?

How bad is domestic violence though? This is the first time I can remember the "big bad NFL" bending to the will of public opinion. But only so much did it bend. I’m not an idiot and I don’t think for one second that the NFL didn’t see that video before TMZ released it. Because by all accounts, my Black ass could’ve called that casino and could have gotten a copy of the elevator tape. I’m not here to say Rice or Peterson or anyone else with domestic violence charges shouldn’t ever play again. This is a country of second chances, but for the league to act like they care and for YOU to act like you care is just silly to me. (When Anheuser-Busch came out with a statement saying they were “disappointed” in the leagues handling of domestic violence I literally laughed. Anheuser-Busch and its “product” has had a hand in more ass-whoopings than Everlast boxing gloves! A beer company getting “upset” over domestic violence is like Smith and Wesson getting "upset" over war.)

They (The NFL) don’t really care because YOU don’t really care. And no, Roger Goodell isn’t quitting his job. He is a dumb-ass that couldn't get a job to pay him $44K a year, much less one paying him $44M a year. You don’t quit a job like that! You retire or you get fired. FUCK PUBLIC PRESSURE when the public doesn’t really give a shit. That’s why he gave half-ass answers and empty statements during last week’s presser. That’s why he’s laying low. Because he knows all he has to do is ride the wave and wait for the calm.

Goodell could've given a press conference where he said,

“Fuck Native Americans! Go Redskins! Fuck Black people too, because the New York Giants are now the New York Niggers! Fuck player safety! We’re adding Wednesday night games to go with the already dangerous and sloppily played Thursday night games you never asked for. Get money! And one more thing, yeah I saw the Rice elevator video and I laugh every time I see it! What are you going to do about it? See all you suckers on Sunday and make sure you buy a pink Ray Rice jersey to support titty cancer or the support of the stop of titty cancer or whatever that shit supports! Fuck you! Go NFL! Roger out bitches!”

He could have then dropped the mic, pulled down his pants, pissed on the reporters and we all would STILL watch the NFL. Hell I know Black fans of the Giants that would proudly buy and WEAR, New York Nigger team gear! Funny thing is, if we could just all stop watching for one Sunday, just ONE, the message those empty seats, and empty ratings, would send could change everything. But we can’t. We need our medicine. 

This is the YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, binge-watch five seasons of a show in one weekend, “I need it now” age. We’ll forget about this. Just like we forgot Russia shot down a fucking commercial plane. Just like we forgot cops killed two unarmed Black men this summer. The NFL can do whatever it wants. Say whatever it wants. And we’ll still watch. That’s why Goodell isn’t going anywhere. Because he knows you, me, we, US, aren’t going anywhere. So why the hell would he?

The Weekend That Was (Divisional Round Recap)

Baltimore Ravens 38 – Denver Broncos 35

Ray Lewis and the Ravens live to fight other day.

Let me start by saying this game was one of the greatest playoff games I’ve ever seen. Defensive TDs, special team TDs, big runs, big passes, ties, lead changes, defensive stances, overtime; I mean this game had it all. All but the outcome we all expected that is. Seems like every year, in this round, someone loses that “shouldn’t” lose and it happened to be the top-seeded Broncos in 2013. Now, I’m not the type that believes in God having anything to do with sports, as far as the outcome of games goes, but someone is answering Black Tebow’s Ray Lewis’ prayers. The Ravens defense played much better than they did last week. They forced one more turnover against Denver than they did against the Colts. Plus, Denver had two overtimes and still didn’t outgain the Colts’ effort last week. (419 yards of total offense vs. 398. Andrew Luck’s 288 yards were only two yards shy of Peyton Manning’s passing yard total. And both teams ran the same number of plays, 87.) The first INT you can live with. (Not really because it was a pick-six.) Tipped ball, I get it, it happens but the last one was nothing more than your classic “cold-weather-playoff -game Manning INT”. I’m starting to think there’s a reason why he's tied with Brett Farve for the most career playoff losses. It’s because he’s just not as good in the playoffs as he is in the regular season. (Now you want to know something really scary? Tim Tebow has a better winning percentage in playoff overtime games and a better win-lost record in Denver home playoff games than Peyton Manning. Ouch.)  Champ Bailey has clearly lost a step, or five, and doesn’t deserve to go to the Pro Bowl this year. He got burned over and over but the biggest story of this game is the clutch play of Joe Flacco. Can we all stop saying he sucks now? I’ve always liked him and I wasn’t as down on him as some people have been this year. (I'll admit it, I was down on the team as a whole.) He throws the best deep ball in the NFL. He’s won at least one playoff game every year of his career. He’s tied with Eli Manning with the most career road playoff wins. He always seems to play well when it really counts and he’s the only QB to make $100 million off of one throw. Great year for the Broncos but they were coached to lose this game every way possible in crutch time. I can get past them not passing on 3rd Down to stop the Ravens from getting the ball back. Even after the horrible coverage that allowed that $100 million completion, I was still thinking the Broncos would win, but not even “trying” at the end of regulation, with two timeouts and Peyton Manning, was all I needed to see to jump ship. No way you want to go into overtime when your defense has proven they can’t get a stop. Without Trindon Holliday making NFL playoff history by returning both a kickoff and a punt for touchdowns, this game isn’t even close. (Even more surprising when you learn that the Ravens have the best special teams unit in the NFL. So it was really a fluke that Denver even made it a game.)

San Francisco 49ers 45 – Green Bay 31

This kept happing a lot.

If you had told me Aaron Rodgers would play bad in this game I would’ve believed you. He was going against one of the two or three best defenses in the league so I guess it’s possible. (This is the team that passed on him for Alex Smith in the ’05 NFL Draft. The one team that he’s been dying to play in a do-or-die game, so you know the motivation for Rodgers should be at an all-time high.) But if you had told me Rodgers would get out played by a guy making his first career playoff start and 8^th career start overall, I would have told you to get your head checked. I knew the Packers defense would give up points and yards but DAMN. 31 points use to be more than enough to beat the 49ers. With Kaepernick pulling the trigger that’s not the case anymore. I said it in my season review, the 49ers offense is so much scarier with Kaepernick under center and we saw why and in full-force this weekend. (The 49ers outscored everyone in the biggest scoring weekend in playoff history.) Michael Crabtree finally looks like the All-Pro receiver the 49ers thought they were getting when they drafted him. Crabtree’s emergence is a complete indictment of just how bad Alex Smith was at QB. With Smith as the QB, tight end Veron Davis was the 49ers’ number one passing option and the tight end is suppose to be a safety net, not a main threat. (Unless your last name is Gronkoski that is.) Good QBs pass the ball to their receivers. Something Smith didn’t do at all in the playoffs last year and don’t even get me started on how amazing Kaepernick looked running the read-option. The Packers didn’t know what to do or what was coming. Was it going to be a Kaepernick run, Gore hand off or a Kaepernick pass? I like Kaepernick in this system because he’s a much better runner than RG3. He’s not a better runner I should say, just a smarter one. Kaepernick doesn’t try to juke guys out or go head first at the defense like RG3 does. He takes what he can and gets down. I also loved the way he bounced back after that first drive pick six. It shows he’s not easily rattled and you can trust him to rebound after a big mistake. Kaepernick is totally making Jim Harbaugh look like a genius for dumping Smith. I still haven’t heard Smith’s thoughts on this whole thing but boy do I want to. (The irony of Alex Smith on the bench for that game is too much for me. The whole QB dynamic in that game in general was crazy. It’s like a guy (49ers) choosing a hot chick (Alex Smith) over an ugly duckling. (Aaron Rodgers) The ugly duckling then uses it as motivation and gets really hot. I’m talking hair coloring, working out, acne treatment, breast implants; the works. The guy (49ers) really knows he’s made a mistake and it’s made worst by the fact that the hot chick (Smith) starts getting fat. So the guy gets a new chick on the side. (Colin Kaepernick) The hot chick (Smith) notices this and starts making changes. She loses the extra weight, dresses better and all that jazz but the guy still dumps her for the new hot chick. So the once ugly duckling (Rodgers) goes to a huge party, where everyone knows she’s going to rub it in the guy’s face. She’s in a great dress and tries to make a grand entrance but falls on her face, while the new hot chick (Kaepernick) steps right over her with the guy (49ers) in tow, as the old hot chick (Smith) is forced to watch at home.)

Atlanta Falcons 30 – Seattle Seahawks 28

Matt Bryant kicks the Falcons one step close to the Super Bowl.

I really thought the Seahawks would win but I forgot won HUGE factor in the game. Seattle was being coached by Pete “I got fired from the NFL before for making these mistakes” Carroll. That being said, the Falcons really tried to be the “Falcons” in this one. They did everything they could to give this game away. Ryan throws the untimely INT, their defense starts choking, the offense starts stalling, Bryant misses the first field goal attempt, they mess up the kickoff, I mean the Falcons did everything but put a bow on this game for the Seahawks. But you know what they say, “a win is a win”. I’m sure Matt Ryan and the Falcons will definitely take it, but they shouldn’t sleep too well on it. (I’ll tell you why in the “Next Up” part of this post.) The one silver lining for Atlanta is the way Ryan played on their final drive. He had been pretty horrible up to that point in the second half and while I thought they had a chance because of their weapons, I didn’t think Ryan would capitalize. He went 2 for 2, kept his team calm and made the plays he had to make to win so there’s that. As for the Seahawks, what a fight in the end! Atlanta had ZERO pass rush and Russell Wilson had all day to throw the ball. He was single-handedly killing the Falcons and almost pulled off one of the greatest comebacks in NFL history. He threw for over 300 yards in the second half alone and clearly out played Ryan down the stretch. The Seahawks have their longterm answer at QB and their future looks really bright but Pete Carroll killed them. Two rules. One, in a playoff game, or any game for that matter, you always take the points. Especially if you’re team is putting up a goose egg so far. You just need to get on the board at that point. You never want to leave points on the field or time outs in your pocket. Two, NEVER EVER DO THE ICE THE KICKER RIGHT BEFORE THE BALL IS SNAPPED AGAIN! I don’t care what the numbers say, don’t do it! It’s a lose-lose. You're giving a guy the chance to practice something he shouldn’t be able to practice. Why do you think some Broncos fans are still mad about the Baltimore kicker going out on the field between the overtimes? If the kicker misses it, like Bryant did, you look silly and like you just cost your team a chance to win the game when you call that timeout. There’s no advantage to letting a guy get to do something twice that he should ONLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO DO ONCE! You also take a metric ton of the pressure off of him by letting him have the free kick. Pete Carroll I blame you for this!

New England Patriots 41 – Houston Texans 28

Tom Brady leads the Patriots to their
7th AFC title game under his watch.

I don’t always go 0-4 when I pick playoff games because if I come close, I always got the Patriots to cover my butt by beating a team in the divisional round. The Patriots offense has been damn near unstoppable at times this season. Tom Brady seems to have so many options it’s like he’s at a freaking buffet, (Four different receivers with five or more receptions.) but the main reason for the Patriots offensive success is they’re balance. They can actually run the ball now and that’s just an added weapon for Brady. The Patriots ran for 122 yards and two TDs on Sunday, which means they can control the clock and run play action. Their defense is still “hit or miss” but they’re much better than they were a season ago. When you’re defense is THAT bad you’re getting nowhere, even with a great QB. (Cut to Packers fans nodding.) The defense isn’t as good as it was when they were winning Super Bowls but it’s good enough to win again. (The loss of Gronk doesn't hurt them this season because they've already played a chunk of their season without him.) The Texans had no real shot and they’re forced to look in the mirror. They even seem to have that “it” about them. The Texans just seem like another “good” team and not a “championship” team. They really missed Brian Cushing and they need someone on the other side to free up J.J. Watt. Matt Schaub couldn't seem to drive the ball down the field at all and he’s honestly looked hurt for a few weeks now. Not sure where Houston go from here but they need to do something to take that next step.

Will the Harbaughs reunite in New Orleans?

Next Up: AFC Championship Preview: The Patriots should have been praying as hard as Ray Lewis for a Broncos victory because the Ravens aren’t scared of them at all. They won big in the playoffs in ’09. (First home playoff lost in Gillette by the way.) They’re a caught pass and made field goal from beating the Patriots in the AFC championship game a year ago. Plus, Baltimore beat New England already this season. Sometimes a team has your number and Baltimore at least seems to have what it takes to beat New England. They’re like the AFC version of the Giants. Flacco outplayed Brady last season and I think he does it again this year, but will it be enough this time. I don't know what it is but something special is happening with this Ravens’ team. Maybe it’s destiny, maybe it’s they’re time or maybe it’s just Black Tebow. I’ve learned my lesson. No more betting against the Ray Lewis’ retirement world tour. If he got away with murder, he can get away with stealing a Super Bowl on his way out. (IT’S A JOKE, IT’S A JOKE. I KID, I KID.)

Next Up: NFC Championship Preview: Remember when I said the Falcons shouldn’t sleep too well about their victory over Seattle? It’s because running/read option QB’s have killed them all season long. Cam Newton beat them once and it should have been twice. (No INTS, four TDs passing, 196 yards rushing and 2 rushing TDs in two games.) RG3 doesn’t get hurt and the Falcons lose that game. The Falcons don’t do the two things they need to do in order to stop Kaepernick. The Falcons don’t generate anything close to a decent pass rush and this last game against Seattle not withstanding they don’t stop the run. I still count that game as a lost because Seattle kicks one FG and they beat the Falcons. I still don’t trust them because they’re still the Falcons and they needed Pete Carroll to bail them out of what would have been the worst collapse in team postseason history. I'm going out on a limb and saying Jim Harbaugh doesn’t make those coaching mistakes. So in the end, the Harbaugh family is going to have a very confused/torn time this year as both Jim and John will lead their teams to the Super Bowl. And don't forget, we were a few plays from that happening last year. 

Thanks for reading and don't forget to subscribe and share the blog. Join in the discussion by leaving a comment below. Follow me on twitter @ParisLay. Until next time... Enjoy the View!

The Weekend That Was (Wildcard Weekend Recap)

Houston Texans 19 – Cincinnati Bengals 13

I picked Houston to win this game but I wasn’t totally confident in them because I didn’t trust Matt Schaub. But I didn’t trust Andy Dalton more. It was kind of like asking me to choose between a punch to the face or a kick to the “boys”. Either way, this is going to hurt and I’m not going to be happy with my decision. Schaub sucked but Dalton sucked that much more on Saturday. Nice season for Cincy but they just didn’t have what it takes to win a playoff game on the road, even if Gary Kubiak was coaching the opponent. Marvin Lewis had a great defensive gameplan to stop Schaub and Andre Johnson, but Arian Foster and his 32 carries and 140 yards killed the Bengals. Andy Dalton never looked comfortable and he played that way. He completed 14 of 30 passes and only averaged 4.2 yards per completion. You don’t need to do math to tell thats less than 50 percent right? The Bengals were 0 for 9 on 3^rd downs and only mustarded up 198 yards of total offense. I knew they’d struggle to score and that’s why I didn’t pick them. All the Bengals had was AJ Green and he could only do so much.

Next Up: The Patriots smoked Houston at Foxborough, 42-14 (And it wasn’t even that close.) in week 14, in what Houston called, “the biggest game in franchise history”.  Well I’d surmise to say this game is a lot more important. If Marvin Lewis, a guy that's never won a playoff game as a head coach mind you, can out coach Kubiak what do you think Belichick does, having had two weeks to prepare for the Texans.

Green Bay Packers 24 – Minnesota Vikings 10

“Joe Webb is a real x-factor” words said BY NO ONE UNTIL SATURDAY NIGHT. If I didn’t have faith in a guy with “Christ” in his first name, why the hell would I have any in a guy that didn’t throw a single pass all year long? I couldn’t believe the way Criss Collinsworth was talking up Joe Webb in NBC’s pregame broadcast. C’mon son, like he really had a shot to win. That was the greatest sell job since Daniel Day-Lewis tricked people out of their land in There Will Be Blood. I’d officially like to nominate Collinsworth for this year’s Best Actor Academy Award. Backups are backups because they suck. All you need to know about Joe Webb is this; no matter how bad it got, (And it got REALLY, REALLY BAD AT TIMES) Joe Webb COULDN’T beat out Christian “If I were wearing a Jets #6 you’d think I was Mark Sanchez” Ponder. NOT EVEN FOR A GAME, A HALF, OR A SINGLE DRIVE did Joe Webb challenge Christian Ponder for his starting job. Not much to say about Green Bay other than they had seen enough of Adrian Peterson to figure out a way to finally stop him. (He only ran for 99 yards and his longest rush was for 18 yards.) Even with Ponder, Peterson needed to go “Super Saiyan” for the Vikings to have a chance. The Packers bottled him up all night and forced Joe Webb to beat them. The Packers look just like they did in 2010 when everyone got healthy at year’s end and they won it all. Rodgers picked the Vikings apart all night to the tune of passing to a record ten different receivers in a playoff game. Green Bay looks ready to go and they have the best QB left on the NFC side of the playoffs by miles.

Next Up: The 49ers beat the Packers in Week One but I gave that no thought when I was picking this game. If Russell Wilson and Tom Brady could find holes in that San Francisco defense, you got to think Rodgers would. I’m still not sure if I trust Colin Kaepernick here. The more I think about it, I don’t. In the end, when a game feels like a toss up to me, I go with the QB I trust more. (See Cincy vs. Houston.)

Baltimore Ravens 24 - Indianapolis Colts 9

Ray Lewis playing his last game at home > Playing on the road for your cancer survivor head coach. Last week when I wrote that the Ravens would lose in the first round, I didn’t have the knowledge of Ray Lewis retiring before I made that pick. I still gave the Colts the edge for a few reasons. The Ravens looked like crap down the stretch, Andrew Luck stopped throwing INTs and even though I knew the crowd would be jazzed in the first quarter after Lewis’ pregame antics, I thought Indy would settle in, but I didn’t know it was going to be like this. (Hell, I wanted to hit somebody on Indianapolis after I saw it.) The Colts moved the ball pretty well (419 Total Yards vs. the Ravens 441) but they just couldn’t cash in with TDs. The Ravens showed a real commitment to running the ball by rushing for 172 yards on 32 carries. Anquan Boldin played out of his mind grabbing 5 receptions for 145 yards and one TD. When it’s all said and done, Ray Lewis’ passion and energy infused a level of urgency in the Ravens that I hadn’t seen in them all year long. I’ll save my thoughts on Ray Lewis’ career and legacy after the season, when, or IF he retires. (He better freaking retire. You don’t get to play THAT card more than once.) Ray Lewis, winner, champion, leader…cancer survivor… murderer? (Relax it’s a joke, it’s a joke!)

Next Up: I really wanted to see Luck go up against Peyton Manning but Ray Lewis going to Denver isn’t a bad consolation prize. Their "battles" were always legendary and its only fitting Lewis has to go through Manning to keep himself out of early retirement. The Ravens got man handled by the Broncos 34 to 17 back in week 15, but that was without Lewis and without this newfound motivation they have now. It’s an added dimension I didn’t know I'd have to account for but they aren’t going to be in Baltimore, where they feed off the AFC’s best home crowd. (Like I said, the Colts racked up a lot of yards, moved the ball easily and were on the field for 37 minutes but just they kept scoring FGs. Going out on a limb and saying Manning turns those into TDs.) The Broncos and the old Colts QB will be ready to go and I think the whole Raven’s team retiring wouldn’t help them get a win in Denver.

Seattle Seahawks 24 – Washington Redskins 14

This game will always be a great “what if” to me. I picked the Seahawks to win even before I knew RG3 wasn’t 100%. The Seahawks are the NFL’s most balanced team and I thought they had the athletes to contain RG3. He clearly wasn’t himself and the Redskins didn’t have a shot if he wasn’t the dual threat we’ve seen all year long. He looked even worst than he did last week. It’s clear the Redskins “sold their souls” to win against the Cowboys in the season finale and RG3 didn’t have enough to get it done on Sunday. RG3 is a grown man and if he says he’s good to go then you give him a chance to play. I don’t think Shanahan made a mistake by sticking with him because Griffin III said it himself, even when you’re healthy you’re taking a risk playing football. RG3 went on to say, he was the best option at QB for the Redskins and he was right. (People seem to forget that backup rookie QB Kirk Cousins had that great comeback against a then choking Ravens team and he played his only full game against the Browns.) Russell Wilson gets mad props for staying grounded and leading the Seahawks’ comeback. (24 unanswered points, 340+ Yards of offense after the 1^st quarter.) Even though RG3 was hurt, Seattle made the changes on defense to shut the Redskins out for the rest of the game and held them to 74 TOTAL YARDS after the 1^st quarter. That’s championship level defense right there and Wilson’s got to have all the confidence in the world now. The Seahawks aren’t going to be an easy out for anyone.

Next Up: It looks like the stars are aligning and we’re headed for a Green Bay vs. Seattle rematch at Lambeau Field because I have ZERO faith in the Atlanta Falcons at home. There’s a reason Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal have been "foaming at the mouth" to bet against them in the playoffs. The Falcons just aren’t a proven playoff team and for someone with the nickname “Matty Ice”, Matt Ryan hasn’t played very “icy” in the playoffs. (0-3 with more INTs than TDs and he hasn’t passed for over 200 yards in any of those losses.) The Seahawks have won seven straight now and will go into Atlanta being the first top-tier defense the Falcons have faced since week two against the Broncos. I’ll start believing in Atlanta when they give me a reason to and as of yet, they haven’t.

Ode to the Fallen – 1st Annual NFL Year-End Review: AFC PT. 2

If you missed it, click here for NFC PT. 1

AFC EAST

New England (12-4) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

This guy is ready to go.

The Patriots are to the AFC East, what a 16-year old pitcher is to the Little League World Series, what Usain Bolt would be to the Special Olympics. Long story short, it’s just freaking unfair what they’re doing at this point. They’re the defending AFC Champions and they’re one of the few teams that have a real shot at winning the Super Bowl. Tom Brady was in typical MVP form and the Patriots offense scored the 3^rd most points of all time. For the first time in a long time, the Patriots seem to have real balance on offense as they ranked 7^th in rushing this season. While their defense has been improved, to the tune of being ranked 9^th against the run, their secondary still sucks as they ranked 29^th. You can air it out pretty easily on them and teams will be looking to exploit that. I don’t think he’s as good as Aaron Rogers, but they have Tom Brady so they have a shot to beat anyone, anywhere.

Miami Dolphins (7-9) Missed Playoffs

The Dolphins weren’t horrible this year but they didn’t look too good also. They finally “seem” to have the right answer at QB which is half the battle in the NFL. Most years, Ryan Tannehill would have been really impressive, but with RG3, Luck, and Wilson making the playoffs he got overshadowed and rightfully so. Their inability to stop the pass and their inability to make big plays in the passing game was their biggest problem in 2012. In order to move up a level they have to get better, either in free agency or the draft.

New York Jets (6-10) Missed Playoffs

These two people are dragging each other down. 

The Jets really should be applauded this year because they were true pioneers in NFL history. (Stay with me because this is about to be tricky.) They were the first team in NFL history to be the league's worst team and NOT have the worst record. They were the first team to be the worst team while being THE MOST TALKED ABOUT TEAM. It was the first time that a consensus opinion in the national media was proven right. Tebow and Sanchez were a disaster together and no one outside of their locker room or team, thought it had a chance in hell of working. GM Mike Tannenbaum was fired and he had to go. He gave Mark Sanchez an extension and that alone was a “fireable” offense. He’s always drafted horribly, he didn’t make any key pickups in the offseason to improve a their “disgusting” offense and Tim Tebow was clearly a move to grab headlines from the champion New York Giants. (How bad were the Jets on offense? The game against Arizona,  final score of Jets 7, Cardinals 6, has been approved as a new kind of "enhanced interrogation technique", aka torture, to be used by the CIA.) Rex Ryan didn’t get the boot because it wouldn’t be fair to saddle some new coach with a QB like Mark Sanchez. The Jets are stuck with Mark Sanchez for the same reason unhappy husbands are with dirtbag wives, “It’s cheaper to keep her.” The Jets are in for another long season of the same ol’ same ‘ol.

Buffalo Bills (6-10) Missed Playoffs

Ho-hum, just another fired head coach and another losing season in Buffalo. Chan Gailey was never the right answer and the Bills are left wondering where to go from here. Ryan Fitzpatrick clearly isn’t the QB they thought they were getting when they gave him that massive contract extension and they really need to go in another direction. The NFL is a passing league and the Bills can’t pass the ball. They did run the ball just fine however; evident by them finishing 6^th in rushing. Stopping the run was the real problem as they ranked second to last, 31^st, in the league. For all the “upgrades” on the defense they made in the offseason, they really didn’t seem any better on that side of the ball. The Bills are still rebuilding and I don’t see when that “phase” stops for them.

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens (10-6) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

This team has first round lost written all over it. You want to know the number of wins over playoff teams the Ravens have this season? Two. Week one against the Bengals (You know who else won in week one? The Eagles, the Jets, the Chargers, and the Cowboys just to name a few and none of those teams made the playoffs. Winning in week one is like getting to third base with a slut, anybody can do it.) and week 3 against the Patriots. (And they needed help from the “rent-a-referees” to get that victory.) For a guy in his contract year, Joe Flacco really didn’t play like it at all. Injuries aside, I really think this teams sucks and I say the Colts pull off the upset and sends them on they’re way. You can do it Colts, just take “Lassie” out back and finish it. It’s the humane thing to do.

Cincinnati Bengals (10-6) Wildcard, Playoff Berth

I like the way this team put it together at the end of the season. They “knuckled up” in the second half of the season winning seven out of the last eight. Andy Dalton and A.J. Green give the Bengals one of the league’s best QB and receiver duos in what would otherwise be a middle of the road offensive attack. The Bengals real strength is their amazing defensive line as they finished with the second most sacks in the NFL. I wouldn’t be surprised if they faired well against the Texans o-line this weekend but something about Cincy’s a little off. Dalton’s good, but I don’t think he’s “win you a Super Bowl” good. So I think it's one and done for the Bengals in the playoffs.

Pittsburg Steelers (8-8) Missed Playoffs

This happened too much in 2012.

Didn’t it seem like Pittsburg’s defense was older? The numbers say otherwise as they finished 1^st against the pass, 2^nd against the rush and 1^st overall. The real problem in Pittsburg is the same problem they’ve had the past few seasons; their offensive line sucks. While they only ranked 14^th in terms of sacks allowed, Big Ben seemed to always be shaking off defenders or getting up from the ground every time he dropped back. Those same hits caused him to miss games which caused Pittsburg to start a backup. They lost games which later forced the Steelers to start a Roethlisberger when he was still ailing. They have a better o-line and I say they would've made the playoffs. The Steelers need to improve the running game as well to give the offense balance and take some of  the pressure off of Big Ben. Todd Haley and Roethlisberger not seeing eye-to-eye didn’t help matters either.

Cleveland Browns (5-11) Missed Playoffs

At times this season the Browns looked like a real team but they just couldn’t get over the hump. I’m not saying having a 28-year old rookie QB is a bad thing but it’s not a good thing. Trent Richardson showed flashes and I really like some of the playmakers on the defense. With a new ownership group coming into town, you knew they’d be cleaning house but even coaching and GM changes won’t fix Cleveland’s biggest problem. You know, the whole “God hating them” and all. Cheer up Cleveland you did make this. And this.

AFC South

Houston Texans (12-4) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

The Texans are to the AFC what the Falcons are to the NFC. I could literally copy and paste most of the post about Atlanta and it would hold true of the Texans. They’re a very balanced team, they have the NFL’s sack leader and defensive player of the year in J.J. Watt but I’m not in love with Matt Schaub. I don’t think he’s the type of QB that can when you a championship. (Think Tony Romo but with less talent.) I don’t like how they ended the season at all. Win one game and everybody’s going to Houston for the right to play in the Super Bowl, instead they lose two in a row and drop to the three seed. That lack of urgency has to say something about them.

Indianapolis Colts (11-5) Wildcard, Playoff Berth

Chuckstrong = One Playoff Win

Holy One Year turnaround Batman! From two wins to eleven? Enough can’t be said about the job Andrew Luck did with the Colts this year. I went into great details a few weeks ago, so I’ll keep it short here. The Colts made the tough but right decision over the offseason to let Peyton Manning go and pick up Andrew Luck. It’s strange, because in a win now league, you always got to think long-term when it comes to QBs. “Chuckstrong” doesn’t get them to the Super Bowl but it does get them a win over the Ravens. And besides, there’s no way we don’t get to see Manning vs. Luck this year. The universe wants this to happen… or at least I do.

Tennessee Titans (6-10) Missed Playoffs

A very underwhelming but expected season from the Titans. Jake Locker showed improvement but not nearly enough to get the Titans anywhere close to being in the playoffs. This is the classic case of a team needing help everywhere. (22^nd in passing, 21^st in rushing, 26^th against the pass and 24^th against the run.) There’s nothing special about the Titans or they’re QB. I also think there’s no way the Titans bring Chris Johnson back. He's due way too much money for the production he’s giving them.

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-14) Missed Playoffs.

Blaine Gabbert sucks and was a total waste of a draft pick. They have HUGE holes in every area of football on their team and there’s no RG3 or Luck on the way in this year's draft. (See, two cents.)

AFC West

Denver Broncos (13-3) Division Champions, Playoff Berth

Best move of the offseason right here.

Peyton Manning is my MVP, but you already know that, and John Elway is my executive of the year for getting him to Denver. Manning knew what he was doing by going there because Denver’s so talented they got into the playoffs last season with a guy that’ll be playing QB in the CFL next year. Yeah I know they lost to Houston, Atlanta and New England, the only real teams they faced this year but that was in the beginning of the year when they didn’t look nearly as deadly as they do now. I predicted a few weeks back they’d get the number one seed and after winning 11 straight games no team's hotter going into the playoffs. This is my pick to win it all. And remember this, when a Manning wins the Super Bowl, another one wins it the next year.

San Diego Chargers (7-9) Missed Playoffs

I can’t say anything about the Chargers because I have a family member on their team and it wouldn’t be fair, but I will say this about them firing Norv Turner… IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Oakland Raiders (4-12) Missed Playoffs

That trade for Carson Palmer looks dumber by the minute. They were banking on the year of a full training camp to help return him to the Pro Bowl caliber QB he was years ago and that ain’t happening.  Like never, ever happening. McFadden can’t stay healthy and they have no balance on offense... at all. Oakland’s a mess and I don’t see an end in sight.

Kansas City Chiefs (2-14) Missed Playoffs

The Chiefs did two things well this season. Run the ball (5^th in rushing) and lose games. (2 wins and the number one pick.) I'm still trying to figure out why they hired Romeo Crennel in the first place and their quarterback situation is about as bad as Arizona’s. It looks like Andy Reid is headed here but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that number one pick, because while Arizona did suck, they did win five games and one was over the Patriots. The Cardinals seemed a little closer than the Chiefs but that's just me. But you know if you're going to a new team, as a new head coach that is, for the most part that team sucked. Again, the next Andrew Luck or RG3 isn’t in sight, so get ready for more dark days ahead Chiefs fans.

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