Love the Game, Hate The People

All of these people...are idiots. 

I hate Lakers fans. I hate Clippers fans. I hate Celtics fans. Heat Fans. 49ers fans. Seahawks fans. Cowboys fans.  Lions fans. Yankees fans. Red Sox fans. Cubs fans. Michigan University Football fans. Ohio State fans. Man U fans. Brazilian soccer fans. Any other team’s fans for that matter. I hate them all! Sad part is, I root for several of those teams. The Lakers, Lions, Michigan Wolverines and Cubs are all “my” teams, but I’m really, really starting to hate the fans.

There’s an old Chris Rock joke that goes, “I love Black people but I hate niggas! Boy I hate niggas so much I wish I could join the KKK!” I love sports, but I hate sports fans! Love the games (and I use the word “love” very loosely,) but hate (and I use that word KNOWINGLY) some of the people that watch the games.

 

This guy has "life issues" that Jesus couldn't  fix.

Fan is short for fanatic. Merriam-Webster defines it as “marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion. “ Let’s break down this definition. “Excessive enthusiasm” means that even when the team is shitty/average a “fan” is always going to be way too excited about the team. Even as the team yields mediocre results, they'll always think higher of them (the team) than they should. (A’la Cowboy fans, Lakers fans, Yankees fans.)  “Uncritical devotion” means that even when the team and/or players on the team, does something wrong, on or off the field, a fan is unable to render any judgment on their players' or team's wrongdoing. (A’la Kobe/Lakers fans after Colorado. A’la Washington Football Fans that excuse their team's CLEARLY racist nickname. A’la 49ers fan after Aldon Smith does…well anything.)

Even when these guys are dirt bags, cheating, lying, lowdown a-holes, "fans" STILL support them. If the name on the front of the jersey is a team they like, fans will wholeheartedly stand by them like a cheating politician’s wife at one of those apology press conference. Like a person dressed in your favorite team’s gear somehow gives them a pass to commit multiple DUIs, slap their wife/girlfriend and even murder people… allegedly anyway. If these men didn’t run, jump, or throw the ball for a team you liked, then they’d be a public outcast like anyone else would be.

My biggest problem is fans are too stupid to realize they control sports. Not the players, not the owners, the FANS! They, the collective body, don’t realize that without us forking over our hard-earned money for overpriced parking, overpriced hotdogs, overpriced beers and VASTLY overpriced seats, game after game, that teams would be NOTHING. Fans don’t get that the greatest message they could send to a racist owner, or perennially mismanaged franchise, would be leaving their 40,000 plus seat stadium empty on gamenight. Imagine if the Washington Professional Football fans voiced their desire for wanting the team name to be changed by leaving FedEx Field a ghost town on opening Sunday. The name would change from “Redskins” to “Fluffy Love Fairies” by halftime. Fans have that much power but NEVER wield it. (Quick tangent about the Washington football nickname. Ask yourself this; would Dan Snyder, anyone that’s a fan of that team or anyone else feel comfortable addressing a Native American as “Redskin”? Didn’t think so. If you won’t call a person a “Redskin”, why the hell would you call a team that!)

Looking on the outside, I see why it’s so easy to hate us Lakers fans. All we do is talk about "our" 16 titles. Hell, we don’t even have the most which is the most frustrating part about "us" bragging about that fact. (The hated Boston Celtics have 17) If we’re talking about things in a historical context then sure, pound your chest Lakers nation. If someone is stupid enough to want to talk about their team's legacy versus ours, then get at them. Of the ten arguably greatest players ever, four have had on a Lakers jersey at one point in their career. (Magic, Wilt, Kobe, Kareem) But if a person is talking about the here and now, we need to do like all the other fans of hapless franchise right now, (IE Bucks, Cavs, Sixers fans) SHUT THE FUCK UP! We suck.

 

New rule: Unless you weren't ON THE FIELD playing the game,
or you're NOT under the age of 8, you DON'T get to act like THIS.

Look, I understand that sports can be something more. Something greater. Programs like ESPN's 30-for-30 and E-60 or HBO's Real Sports do an awesome job of showcasing how a game can become something more than, well, more than a game. But for the most part fans need to remember, these are grown men playing a game, not fighting a war or curing cancer mind you, PLAYING A GAME that (BARRING YOU HAVING WAGED YOUR HOUSE ON THE OUTCOME, which is a WHOLE OTHER article), has ZERO effect on your life! My brother didn’t speak to me for weeks after the 49ers Vs. Seahawks game. I don’t care what he says, I KNOW THAT GAME HAD AT LEAST SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIS MOOD. You’d think Richard Sherman personally came in our apartment and slapped this negro the way he was acting. You’d think he was on the field in the  number 7 jersey throwing passes the way he was depressed. Nothing outside of something happening to my children, mother, girlfriend, family or friends could get me that upset.

You see, it’s a problem that after Green Bay Packers losses, domestic violence goes up 45% in the state of Wisconsin! Really?! Why do people put such importance on the outcome of a meaningless event, in the grand scheme of life, that they themselves HAVE NO CONTROL OVER? I’ll never understand that. I mean I get “rec league guy” getting all crazy because he’s there, in the moment. on the court. He’s still crazy but at least he’s going crazy over a game he is ACTUALLY INVOLVED IN AND HAS A CHANCE TO EFFECT THE OUTCOME.

Again... idiot.

Maybe it’s because I’m happy and I don’t have to put sports on this weird pedestal a lot of other fans do. I have two great kids. I have great relationships with my friends and family. I think I have the world’s best job. I’m really lucky I guess, because most people don’t have these “luxuries”. I mean, if I hated one or a few of those things in my life, then maybe, and just maybe, I would try to replace it with something else. But I would not replace it with something I couldn’t control like professional sports.

So from here on out, I’m no longer a Lakers “fan” or a Michigan “fan, or a Lions “fan”, or a “fan” of any other sports team. I’m a Lakers “watcher”.  A Lions “viewer”. A Cubs “observer”. Which Merriam defines as “a person who watches or notices something”. Because the only thing that I have an “excessive enthusiasm” for or an “intense uncritical devotion” to is a little girl named Aaliyah and a little boy named Dominic. (Those are my kids.)

The Art of Interaction With Famous Folks

In American culture there are several universal loves. We love sports. We love apple pie. We love fast cars. And we love famous people. Be it athletes, or television stars, or movie stars, or reality TV rejects, we Americans can’t get enough. You’d be lying if you said you’ve never done this: You’re checking out at your local grocery store and you spot an Us Magazine or People Magazine, or National Enquirer. See "Celeb X" is now dating or broke up with "Celeb Y". You know you at least picked it up and skimmed through it. Americans eat this shit up like Fiddo does kibble.

For whatever reason, we can’t seem to get over our fascination with the people that appear on our various “dummy boxes”. (Laptop, Smartphones, tablets, TVs etc.) Americans treat seeing a celebrity like discovering a 3 legged, purple polka dotted unicorn. Now working in Hollywood affords me the opportunity to “rub shoulders” with some of these people and here’s what I’ve learned.

A) They’re just people. Trust me they eat, drink, sleep, pee, and poop like everyone else on this giant blue floating ball of death we call Earth.

B) Most are actually really nice. Now, you do run into a few jerks, but that’s the case with most people in life. You had nice teachers and you had asshole teachers. You’ve met asshole cops and you’ve met nice cops. The same is true with celebs. Most people had to work really hard to get where they are.

While most are very humble and thankful for all they have, it’s the former child stars or second generation celebrities who are the real assholes. They’ve been “somebody” their whole life and think all they have is a “birthright”. They’ve always had someone kissing their ass and come to believe their behavior is “normal” or “expectable”.

Since I’ve interacted with more than few and since I have tons of friends in this business or who want to be in this business, I’ve created a list to show you guys how to interact with them. A la, how to take a picture or ask for an autograph.

1) Act NORMAL!!

I’m sure you’re excited to see “Joe Blo” or “Suzy Q” but remember they KNOW who they are and they get that “Oh my God it’s you!” reaction every time they leave the house. So when someone is just cool, calm, and collected it’s actually really refreshing. Be admiring but don’t kiss ass, and don’t make it seem like they’re the second coming. (Refer to “A” above.)

Remember we’re filmmakers, we interact with these people daily. We’re not civilians on the street. If you don’t make a living in the entertainment world, you sure lose your shit when you see George Lucas, or Brad Pitt, or Haley Barry. But remember, you, a filmmaker, acting like “that” is sort of like zookeeper getting “all hyped” at the sight of a lion. Trust me, you’ll be seeing them everyday.

2) Only ask for a picture if you’re sure you’ll never work with them again OR you won’t be working with them anytime soon.

There was a celebrity I worked with recently that I was pretty excited to meet. He’s a very funny comedian I won't say who it was. I actually wanted a picture, which is weird for me because I hardly do. But then I realized I’d more than likely be working with the dude again in a few weeks on another show. And wouldn’t you know it, I will be. If you’re on a one-day commercial with Denzel, sure you can ask for a picture. But if you’re on 3-month shoot with the guy don’t go asking for a photo op on the first day.

3) NEVER, NEVER, ask for a photo during the last day of production, on the way to set, OR right after they’ve wrapped.

These are easy ones. If you’ve been working all damn day, under hot ass lights, dressed in clothes you’d normally never wear, would you want to stick around any longer than you had to? Hell. No. They wanna get changed and they wanna go home. So never ever slow that process for them.

If they’re going to set, let them go to set. You stopping to take a “selfie” slows down the whole production. And if it’s a multiple day shoot, ask two days or one day before the last day. Everyone and they grandmother is going to ask on the last day. Don’t be that guy or girl.

4) Never take a photo with a celebrity too close to your own age or significantly younger than you.**

If you’re old enough to be their damn father or mother, don’t do it. How does a grown ass man/woman look take a picture with Selena Gomez or Justin Bieber. And the thing to remember about celebrities your own age or close, is you two are peers for God’s sake. I’d never ask Drake for a photo or any other celebrity that I could have went to high school with. This is especially true in your 20s because it just points out the fact that you’re the same age BUT for whatever reason they’re doing a lot better than you in life.

*Athletes from your favorite team is fine no matter the age gap.

* Now when you’re in your 40s and they in there 40s, fuck it. If you’re not “there” yet you’ll probably never get “there” so who cares right.

Tiger In the Wild

Tiger Woods with Arnold Palmer after his victory at Bay Hill.

I’ve been lucky enough to witness some really great sporting events during my lifetime. Epic comebacks in the NFL and NBA, overtime winning goals in the NHL playoffs, walkoff homeruns, world record Olympic performances, brutal boxing upsets and so many more. Some of the first ones that I always think about include Jordan’s game six jumper in Utah during the 1998 NBA Finals. Adam Vinatieri’s game winning field goal in Super Bowl XXXVI. The Boston Red Sox comeback versus the New York Yankees in the 2004 ALCS. Derek Fisher’s game winner against the San Antonio Spurs in the 2004 NBA playoffs. These are all big moments, but there’s always one year that comes to mind first when I think about sports.

Let us journey back to 2008, when I was in the U.S.Army and at CSC (Convoy Support Center) Scania in southern Iraq. I’ll never forget that year in sports because I wasn’t in America to experience it. The Lakers were back in the NBA Finals for first time since Shaq had left. (I won’t talk about how they lost to the Celtics.) Memphis lost to Kansas in overtime during the NCAA Men’s Basketball national championship game. The New York Giants ended New England’s bid at perfection in the Super Bowl. Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal battled at Wimbledon in what many experts call the greatest tennis match of all-time. I saw all of these amazing things on a tiny TV, in a dusty little office located in one of the most dangerous places on the planet.

All of those don’t even compare to the best sporting event I saw that year and probably ever. There was one event that had my fellow soldiers and I at the edge of our seats and cheering our heads off. One athlete from that amazing year had us in complete awe and that athlete was Eldrick “Tiger” Woods.

It was the 2008 U.S. Open played at Torrey Pines. On one leg, Woods gutted his way to an amazing

Woods celebrates after his tying putt on
the 18th hole during the 2008 U.S. Open.

victory over Rocco Mediate. I’ve never seen a ballsier performance from a professional athlete. Ever. Like “ever” ever. He won the toughest golf tournament in the world with a torn ACL, while playing an extra day of playoff golf on Monday no less.

It’s hard to believe, but that was the last time Tiger Woods won a major. It’s almost been five years since that amazing victory and it’s seems even longer than that. I’m not going to talk about the dumpster fire Woods turned his life into shortly after that because it’s pointless. We all know what happened. When an insanely wealthy, hyper competitive Black athlete under the age of seventy cheats on his wife I don't find it shocking in the least bit. (I don’t think he had a sex addiction either. It was just a PR move to find a reasonable "excuse" for his infidelity other than him being a lying no-good dog like every other man that has cheated on his wife and gotten caught. I've always said a man is only as faithful as his bank account "allows" him to be. Tiger Woods’ bank account could allow him to have sex with straight men. If I had been a professional athlete, it’d go one of two ways. One, the Derek Jeter way. No kids, no wife, just single pimping for 20 plus years. Or the Travis Henry way. All I'll say is click this link and you’re welcome.) During that time, the “dark years”, golf just wasn’t as interesting. Yeah, we’ve had some great tournaments, great wins, great stories and Rory McIlroy made a little run, but there’s been nothing close to Tiger.

Woods getting the Green Jacket for first time in 1997.

I’m just going to come out and say it. Golf is just better when the Black guy’s good. I’m sorry but it’s true. We all like seeing greatness and Tiger Woods is as great as any athlete in the history of sports. I’m not saying he’s all the way back, but he just “looks” different and it “feels” like he’s back. So far in 2013, Tiger has three wins, he’s the number one ranked golfer in the world for the first time since October of 2010, he’s putting better than he has in years and he’s going into the Masters with a ton of momentum. In fact, most experts have him taking the green jacket. Not only do I hope Tiger wins the Masters, I hope he wins it 1997 style. Dominant, clear and unchallenged. I hope Tiger sends a loud message to the world, showing all of the doubters that he’s back and Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 majors isn’t as safe as they all thought it was.

I don’t love golf. I don’t love NASCAR. I don’t love women’s basketball. I don’t love track and field. But you know what I do love? I L.O.V.E, love watching greatness! We, normal humans that is, love to see when someone can shine on a “god-like” level in a sporting event. We love to see when athletes/teams achieve feats above and beyond anyone before them. That’s why I loved watching NASCAR when Jimmie Johnson was winning five championships in a row. It's why I marveled at the UConn’s Women’s Basketball team that won 90 games in a row. Why I loved watching Usain Bolt at the 2012 Olympic Games and why he was the only non-American athlete I rooted for. (I'm sorry, but I may as well have been Bob Marley that night because I was rooting that hard to see him win. Hell, if North Korea produced a super-human, once in a lifetime athlete, they could bomb us and I’d STILL root for that athlete like I was Kim Jong Un.) It's why I as a diehard Lakers fan wanted to see the Miami Heat win 34 games in a row. I love seeing things that I’ll never forget. Things that I’ll be proud to tell my son I got to see. Things that he’ll be jealous I saw. Things that will cause my friends and I to light up with excitement and youth, like we’re being transported back in time because of that particular memory.

Tiger Woods, as far as sports are concerned, has provided the best moment so far. I can remember the smell of the office, the looks on people’s faces. I can even remember the feel of the “high-fives” we all shared during his tournament-tying putt. So here’s to you Tiger Woods and the hope that you give me another timeless memory.

Time for your take. What do you think of the blog? Was I right? Was I wrong? What's your favorite sports memory? Do you think Tiger Woods is back? Leave me a comment below and don't forget to share the blog, subscribe to the blog and follow me on twitter @ParisLay. Thanks for stopping by and as always... Enjoy the View!