Love the Game, Hate The People

All of these people...are idiots. 

I hate Lakers fans. I hate Clippers fans. I hate Celtics fans. Heat Fans. 49ers fans. Seahawks fans. Cowboys fans.  Lions fans. Yankees fans. Red Sox fans. Cubs fans. Michigan University Football fans. Ohio State fans. Man U fans. Brazilian soccer fans. Any other team’s fans for that matter. I hate them all! Sad part is, I root for several of those teams. The Lakers, Lions, Michigan Wolverines and Cubs are all “my” teams, but I’m really, really starting to hate the fans.

There’s an old Chris Rock joke that goes, “I love Black people but I hate niggas! Boy I hate niggas so much I wish I could join the KKK!” I love sports, but I hate sports fans! Love the games (and I use the word “love” very loosely,) but hate (and I use that word KNOWINGLY) some of the people that watch the games.

 

This guy has "life issues" that Jesus couldn't  fix.

Fan is short for fanatic. Merriam-Webster defines it as “marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion. “ Let’s break down this definition. “Excessive enthusiasm” means that even when the team is shitty/average a “fan” is always going to be way too excited about the team. Even as the team yields mediocre results, they'll always think higher of them (the team) than they should. (A’la Cowboy fans, Lakers fans, Yankees fans.)  “Uncritical devotion” means that even when the team and/or players on the team, does something wrong, on or off the field, a fan is unable to render any judgment on their players' or team's wrongdoing. (A’la Kobe/Lakers fans after Colorado. A’la Washington Football Fans that excuse their team's CLEARLY racist nickname. A’la 49ers fan after Aldon Smith does…well anything.)

Even when these guys are dirt bags, cheating, lying, lowdown a-holes, "fans" STILL support them. If the name on the front of the jersey is a team they like, fans will wholeheartedly stand by them like a cheating politician’s wife at one of those apology press conference. Like a person dressed in your favorite team’s gear somehow gives them a pass to commit multiple DUIs, slap their wife/girlfriend and even murder people… allegedly anyway. If these men didn’t run, jump, or throw the ball for a team you liked, then they’d be a public outcast like anyone else would be.

My biggest problem is fans are too stupid to realize they control sports. Not the players, not the owners, the FANS! They, the collective body, don’t realize that without us forking over our hard-earned money for overpriced parking, overpriced hotdogs, overpriced beers and VASTLY overpriced seats, game after game, that teams would be NOTHING. Fans don’t get that the greatest message they could send to a racist owner, or perennially mismanaged franchise, would be leaving their 40,000 plus seat stadium empty on gamenight. Imagine if the Washington Professional Football fans voiced their desire for wanting the team name to be changed by leaving FedEx Field a ghost town on opening Sunday. The name would change from “Redskins” to “Fluffy Love Fairies” by halftime. Fans have that much power but NEVER wield it. (Quick tangent about the Washington football nickname. Ask yourself this; would Dan Snyder, anyone that’s a fan of that team or anyone else feel comfortable addressing a Native American as “Redskin”? Didn’t think so. If you won’t call a person a “Redskin”, why the hell would you call a team that!)

Looking on the outside, I see why it’s so easy to hate us Lakers fans. All we do is talk about "our" 16 titles. Hell, we don’t even have the most which is the most frustrating part about "us" bragging about that fact. (The hated Boston Celtics have 17) If we’re talking about things in a historical context then sure, pound your chest Lakers nation. If someone is stupid enough to want to talk about their team's legacy versus ours, then get at them. Of the ten arguably greatest players ever, four have had on a Lakers jersey at one point in their career. (Magic, Wilt, Kobe, Kareem) But if a person is talking about the here and now, we need to do like all the other fans of hapless franchise right now, (IE Bucks, Cavs, Sixers fans) SHUT THE FUCK UP! We suck.

 

New rule: Unless you weren't ON THE FIELD playing the game,
or you're NOT under the age of 8, you DON'T get to act like THIS.

Look, I understand that sports can be something more. Something greater. Programs like ESPN's 30-for-30 and E-60 or HBO's Real Sports do an awesome job of showcasing how a game can become something more than, well, more than a game. But for the most part fans need to remember, these are grown men playing a game, not fighting a war or curing cancer mind you, PLAYING A GAME that (BARRING YOU HAVING WAGED YOUR HOUSE ON THE OUTCOME, which is a WHOLE OTHER article), has ZERO effect on your life! My brother didn’t speak to me for weeks after the 49ers Vs. Seahawks game. I don’t care what he says, I KNOW THAT GAME HAD AT LEAST SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIS MOOD. You’d think Richard Sherman personally came in our apartment and slapped this negro the way he was acting. You’d think he was on the field in the  number 7 jersey throwing passes the way he was depressed. Nothing outside of something happening to my children, mother, girlfriend, family or friends could get me that upset.

You see, it’s a problem that after Green Bay Packers losses, domestic violence goes up 45% in the state of Wisconsin! Really?! Why do people put such importance on the outcome of a meaningless event, in the grand scheme of life, that they themselves HAVE NO CONTROL OVER? I’ll never understand that. I mean I get “rec league guy” getting all crazy because he’s there, in the moment. on the court. He’s still crazy but at least he’s going crazy over a game he is ACTUALLY INVOLVED IN AND HAS A CHANCE TO EFFECT THE OUTCOME.

Again... idiot.

Maybe it’s because I’m happy and I don’t have to put sports on this weird pedestal a lot of other fans do. I have two great kids. I have great relationships with my friends and family. I think I have the world’s best job. I’m really lucky I guess, because most people don’t have these “luxuries”. I mean, if I hated one or a few of those things in my life, then maybe, and just maybe, I would try to replace it with something else. But I would not replace it with something I couldn’t control like professional sports.

So from here on out, I’m no longer a Lakers “fan” or a Michigan “fan, or a Lions “fan”, or a “fan” of any other sports team. I’m a Lakers “watcher”.  A Lions “viewer”. A Cubs “observer”. Which Merriam defines as “a person who watches or notices something”. Because the only thing that I have an “excessive enthusiasm” for or an “intense uncritical devotion” to is a little girl named Aaliyah and a little boy named Dominic. (Those are my kids.)

The Seven Simple Truths Lakers Fans NEED to Face

 

Who are these people?!

How long has it been since the Los Angeles Lakers have been THIS bad? It’s not just that the Lakers are bad, it’s that they’re genuinely not interesting. Back in 2004-05, the year after LA traded Shaq to Miami, the Lakers finished 34-48 and missed the playoffs. They sucked but we had YOUNG Kobe. We had hope because we had the best player in the league and even if the team sucked, Kobe was gunning for 35 points a night and that was at least interesting.

The Lakers are as hopeless and uninteresting as the damn Bobcats right now. There are too many things to talk about as far as fixing the team, but that is not what this article is about. This post is about Lakers fans. Now, I fancied myself a diehard until saw the things some fans were saying about this team. This season has really helped me understand why people hate the Lakers and it’s fans.

Lakers fans are as passionate as it gets and winning has spoiled some of us beyond reality. I’m not a fan of Duke in college basketball, or the Yankees in baseball, or the Cowboys in football but I am a Lakers fans and get why people hate these type of teams. They win, and they win a lot (Not recently in the case of any of these teams anyway.) Winning breeds jealousy. So I get it, but the complete irrationality of some Lakers fans have become too much to stomach. So as a completely rational fan I figured it’s time to SCHOOL my fellow Lakers lovers. Remember I do this because I care. (This list is in NO particular order.)

1. The Lakers SUCK and ARE GOING TO KEEP SUCKING AT LEAST ONE MORE YEAR

Last year even with a healthy Kobe, (until D’Antoni ran him into the ground like a mad jockey riding a Shetland Pony in Kentucky Derby) and semi-healthy Dwight Howard, LA BARELY made it to the playoffs. This collection of players in LA is SOOO bad that even with two of the top 10 players in the league last season LA was only an 8-seed and STILL got sweep in the 1^st round.  THAT’S HOW BAD LA IS!

Get use to seeing this face and THOSE type of scores.

There are ZERO trades to make, no marquee free agents are talking about coming to LA, no sure fire franchise player in the draft (ala no Duncan, Shaq, or LeBron. Anthony Davis was the last one.) and our best player, Kobe, is coming off the worst injury possible. This is not a quick fix situation. Get all those fantasies of every player and their grandmothers coming to LA. Irving isn't coming. Melo isn't coming. And at least not next season, Love isn't coming. You know who is coming back? Mike D'Antoni.

2.  Kobe IS NOT the best player in the league and HASN’T been for awhile.

This is one of the hardest things for LA fans to admit, but let’s have a moment Lakers Nation. Let me talk to you for a second. I love Kobe. Dude’s easily my favorite player ever, but I love the name on the FRONT of jersey far more than I do Kobe Bryant. The Lakers were great before Kobe and will be after Kobe. Now if you honestly think a 35 year-old shooting guard with 18 seasons, 45,000 minutes played, that's coming off of THE WORST INJURY IN SPORTS, is the best player in the NBA, then… well then you’re just fucking crazy. Kobe can’t stay in front of cardboard cutout anymore defensively and he’s basically the NBA equivalent of a DH in baseball. And I’m going to assume after what happened when he did come back, another injury, this is going to KEEP happening.

Like all of Laker Nation, I love Kobe too,
but some fans are like mama bears protect cubs.

It’s not that I’m “hating” on Kobe, but merely pointing out the fact that he’s just old. Something he's been for a minute but now he's old AND hurt. But there’s nothing wrong with that. This stage of a player's career happens to everyone. He’s got nothing left to prove to me, you or anyone. One of the best ever, but currently NOT the best. Right now today as of March 25, 2013 I can name about 15 players I’d rather have. And the same was true of Michael Jordan in March of 2003 when he was on the Wizards.

3. Kobe’s MASSIVELY OVERPAID!

Want to hear something really messed up? NBA players are underpaid. Now that sounds crazy saying that people who are running around bouncing a ball playing a game and getting paid millions of dollars are underpaid but check this out. Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira would be the 2^nd highest paid player in the league. When a guy that's not even the best player on his team and not one of best 25-50 players in all of baseball makes more that all but one player in the NBA that’s an issue.

That being said, Kobe has been WELL compensated for his services to the Purple and Gold. LA shouldn’t be paying anyone, even Kobe, for PAST performance. I could see giving him this deal if Kobe got "short changed" early on in his prime but he didn't. In fact, Kobe’s the highest paid player this season, still brings in more dollars off the court than anyone else and his total career earnings are top three ever.

 In a salary cap driven league, tying that much money to one player is already stupid, but to gurantee that much money to a player coming off injury, his 17th season, and who got injured as soon as he came back for the aforementioned injury was damn near negligent. Paying Kobe all that money is like putting an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet in a strip joint; it’s just an all around bad idea and no wins. But if you still aren’t convinced, ask yourself this; if Lakers brass could go back in time and do that deal again, do they do it?

BONUS: Kobe's 5 Rings AREN'T A VALID REASON TO SAY HE'S BEST. By that logic, Robert Worry was better than him and Jordan.

4. LeBron James is the best player in the NBA, has been for a while and the gap between him and next best is not close. 

I’m 90 percent sure most of you just stopped reading, but saying LeBron James isn’t the best is akin to saying water isn’t wet or fire isn’t hot. It’s just illogical. Dude has the 3^rd highest scoring average EVER. EVER. There haven’t been 5 players ever than can average 27 points, 8 boards and 8 assists a game,

Sorry, but right now and, for the pass three seasons,
the guy in black has been better.

You remember how crazy people looked bashing Kobe when he was dropping 81 or when he dropped 50 six games in row? Remember how completely petty those people looked because they weren't judging Kobe on his ON COURT ABILITY? Lakers fans, we look the same way when we say LeBron sucks. Lakers fans are OBSESSED with bashing LeBron like racists republicans are with bashing President Obama.

Look, I didn't like Michael Jordan growing up. Mainly because my first real lasting memory of my Lakers involved MJ killing LA in five games during the Bulls first title. That being said I at least recognized MJ's greatness. So why can’t we just do that with LBJ? It’s like getting to watch Jordan, or Magic, or Wilt. We’re watching an all timer, at his peak no less, and even though he’s not a Laker, we can still recognize game.

5. The Miami Heat are NOT a rival for the Lakers!

How many times has LA and Miami met in the Finals? I’ll wait…. Oh the answer's zero you say! That’s why LA and Miami are NOT RIVALS. The Lakers have NEVER been eliminated from the playoffs by the Heat. That's why seeing Lakers fan rooting for the Spurs in Finals last season after they (the Spurs) waxed the floor with LA in round one was crazy to me. How many times has LA tasted the bitterness of defeat at the hand of Duncan and the Spurs?

Spurs, Celtics, and Clippers are far more natural rivals as there is PLAYOFF HISTORY BETWEEN THE TEAMS. (Clippers not so much, but they’re in same building so…) Those games mean more, so until a bond is forged in the heat (pardon the pun) of playoff fires, l look at the Miami Heat like Muhammad Ali looked at the Vietnam War in 1969. “Ain’t no Viet Cong ever call me nigger.” “Ain’t no Heat ever stopped my team from winning a title.”

6. All our problems are NOT Jim Buss’ fault.

The funny thing is Jim Buss has been in charge of things for the Lakers longer than you think. Who do you think drafted Bynum? Or helped with the Gasol trade? He’s done some great things for LA. Sure the Lakers are a mess right now, but it’s not from a lack of effort on Buss' part. He DID trade for Chris Paul. He DID trade for Dwight Howard.

This is a shadow few men could get out of.
Cut Jim Buss some slack. He's following the best ever.

Both were smart/box office moves at the time. The Paul failure was not his fault and Howard just wasn’t built for LA. He’s (Buss) a problem, but let us not forget that the dude tried to stop this from happening, Had David Stern and the NBA not owned the Hornets, Paul is STILL here and at the time we hadn’t traded Bynum so we clearly would have flipped him for Howard. On a team of Howard, Paul and Kobe, Kobe's still alpha dog and LA has pieces in place after Kobe retires. Didn't work out but he did try.

7. Our 16 titles mean jackshit right now.

I get it, I get it. It’s about team pride and blah, blah, blah. But just like I don’t let Cowboys fans, or Norte Dame fans, use PAST GLORY to talk about their team's CURRENT circumstances, we can’t use it either. We suck right now. Magic ain’t walking through the tunnel. Shaq ain’t walking through the tunnel and neither are those titles.

Look Lakers fans, we’ve been on the top of the mountain so long that our heads are spinning from the lack of oxygen so I get why some of y'all are nuts. We can’t always be good. We can't get every free agent. And we can't win the title every season. I know this wasn't easy to read but someone needed to say it. Every team has to go through this. Now it’s our time to go through it, but it's tough because we're Lakers fans. We NEVER go through this. We’re at the bottom but if history holds true…That won’t last too long.

The Storm Is Coming...

It was all good just a week ago... Dwight Howard with Jim Buss when he joined the team last summer

How long has it been? Really think about it. How long has it been since the Los Angeles Lakers have truly looked lost? As in, there is no real, clear vision of what the future holds for the team. Now, I'm always a "glass half-full" guy when it comes to my Lakers because I was so in denial last season that I wrote this. And this. Being only 26 years old, I’ve only really known the Lakers one way: winners. I "kinda" remember the early 90’s Lakers teams middling their way through seasons right before and after Magic Johnson retired. (LA even managed to get to the NBA Finals in 1991 acting as a "sacrificial lamb" for Michael Jordan as he started his road to becoming the greatest player of all time. It's the reason why my first memories of Mike aren’t too fond.)

At least back then the team had nice young and exciting pieces like Nick Van Exel, Cedric Ceballos and Eddie Jones. (Right now, the team is a basic who's who of old overpaid All-Stars and second rounders that should be on the bench... in the D-League!) Even with the young talent those teams had, it was the trust in the front office that truly comforted Lakers fans. We had the best front office. We had the Lakers front office and the trust in them to make all the right basketball decisions. Dr. Jerry Buss and Jerry West had proven over the years that they could make all the right moves to make the team championship contenders again and again. It wasn’t long after those middle of the road seasons that LA acquired Shaquille O’Neal in free agency and made a draft day trade for a high schooler named Kobe Bryant. They were smart enough not to waste their (Kobe and Shaq’s that is) talents with the wrong coach, so they quickly hired Phil Jackson and the rest is history. Hell, they were even smart enough to hire Phil again after his second retirement, but if you’re wondering what happened the third time around I can tell you that it’s all about the new ownership.

Glory days of Shaq and Kobe.

Once Dr. Buss stepped away from the day-to-day operation of the Lakers, things seem to have gotten worse and worse each season. Lately, the basketball decisions in LA are about as smart as they would be if you were having Stevie Wonder fix a Japanese car from the future. It’s just a job you need sight for and Jim Buss doesn’t have the sight to run a basketball team. If he did, the following three things would have never happened.

 

I still don't know why Phil isn't back yet.

One, he would have rehired the greatest coach in the history of the sport when he was asking to come back. That’s like being a movie producer and having Martin Scorsese interested in taking over your picture, but you decide to hire M. Night Shyamalan instead. The two best players on the team (One that had one you five titles (Kobe) and one (Dwight) that was an impending free agent no less.) wanted you to hire Phil Jackson. The fans wanted you to hire Phil Jackson. Phil Jackson wanted you to hire Phil Jackson! It seemed like the Lakers were headed for a breakaway slam-dunk to "win the game" when they quickly fired Mike Brown but they instead pulled up for a half-court Hail Mary three pointer… at the opposite basket… when they hired Mike D’Antoni over Jackson. Buss let his ego get in the way of making the correct basketball decision.  (But hey, if the one dude I was “suppose” to hire was treated like a son by my father and I'm talking treated like a “the son I wish I had” son and if same said dude was boning my sister, I’d be little anxious about hiring dude too. Talk about awkward Thanksgivings.)

Two, “Lil” Buss should have traded Dwight Howard on the trade deadline. This is the new NBA, so if a superstar player doesn’t want to sign an extension and wants to hit the market then trade them ASAP. (Cut to: Cleveland fans kicking the screen.) The money you can get paid is set in stone. The days of "playing the field" so you can "drive up" the price are over. (At least for the “max level” guys. The lower and middle of the road guys can still get teams to bid and overpay them. Cut to: Gerald Wallace laughing and counting money.) The team that you’re heading into free agency with always has an edge nowadays because they can pay you more than any team you’d look to go to. So, with that in mind, why EVER let Dwight hit free agency?

Three, he should have never let this happen:

Yeah, I saw that yesterday morning on my way to breakfast. (Needless to say it ruined my whole morning.) LA didn’t put up “Stay KB8” banners when Kobe Bryant was a free agent. And if they did, he had at least won titles in LA for God’s sake. They didn’t do it with Shaq and he was coming off one of his best seasons and NOT back surgery. Dwight Howard had one “okay” season and he gets a billboard all over the building and all throughout the city?! Dwight Howard?! The Lakers don’t beg players to come here. Players want to be Lakers. Players want to play in LA. But with the flux in front office leadership, players aren’t so hot on LA anymore. And that’s the problem.

Unlike most Lakers fans, I’m not mad at Dwight Howard. Shocking, I know. You see, I think he actually made the right basketball decision and I’m a total supporter of players making the best decision for themselves. I’m mad at the Lakers for not doing with Dwight what Orlando had the good sense to do; trade him. Grant it, you were never going to get equal value back, because much like the one-eyed man is king in the land of the blind, Howard is the “king” of the big men in the new small ball NBA. I’m also not one of those fans that’s going to say, “dude can’t ball". Howard did comeback way sooner from surgery than he was suppose to and even with a bad back and nagging shoulder issue he still managed to lead the league in rebounds. I lived in Orlando for 3 years and I know firsthand what he can do when he's focused, happy and healthy. (Before you get upset and say "I would've rather had Andrew Bynum", google what Philly got out of him this season…. I’ll wait… oh yeah that’s right, HE NEVER PLAYED!)

Look, even with Howard LA barely made the playoffs and much of the heavy lifting was done by Kobe before he was ran into the ground by D’Antoni, injured. Without Kobe, and with Dwight still being misused under D’Antoni, who’s to say LA wouldn’t have been even worse off. To play devil's advocate farther, you could make a real argument that, A) Howard peaked 3 or 4 seasons ago, B) he would never be able to handle the pressure of playing for a team with yearly title or bust expectations and C) he could possibly never recover that athleticism that made him such a dominant force. (Although that is the only reason I wanted him back. To see how he performs with a full off season’s rest and recovery from his surgery.)  So if you’re a fan of the team, relax but get ready. Must you forget the Lakers won titles BEFORE Howard, they won a title OVER Howard and they WILL win again. LA has a long list of problems and trust me, I get pretty far down that list before I get to “Dwight Howard”. The question isn't if LA will win again it's “when” but that could be a long time from now. With that said, Laker Nation I leave you with these immortal words from Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman.

I May Be Wrong, But I Doubt It (Episode 16 PT. 1)

We talk about it all today!

If you guys listen to the podcast, by now you know how my brother Zeph feels about LeBron James and the Miami Heat. Due to a lot of traveling, on my part near the end of the NBA Finals, Zeph and I haven't had a chance to talk about it. So here it goes.

We talk LeBron's legacy versus Michael Jordan's legacy and the new age of NBA superstars joining forces. We also discuss the Los Angeles Lakers "courtship" of Dwight Howard and the new look Celtics Brooklyn Nets. This is part one of a two part mega podcast. Click this link to hear part two, where we talk Aaron Hernandez. Subscribe, share and join the debate by leaving a comment below. You can follow me on Twitter @ParisLay and you can follow my brother Zeph @NeecySon81. Thanks for listening and enjoy the view!

I May Be Wrong, But I Doubt It! (Episode 15)

No, you're not dreaming, this IS REAL!

After the Lakers put up a billboard, basically begging Dwight Howard to stay in Los Angeles, I had to enlist the help of a Lakers historian to help me break it all down. (I was living in Orlando when they did this for him and it's even more pathetic now. The only thing that screams "I'm thirsty" more than the Lakers "Stay D12" billboard is Ray J's "I Hit It First".)  For the first time, I'm joined on the podcast by my father Zeph Jones. (In my family, my brother, actually Zeph III, is called "Lil Zeph" and my father, Zeph JR, is "Big Zeph" and he's the only person, that I know, that has a better knowledge of the game than my brother.)

We talk about the Lakers past season, Dwight Howard's free agency, Kobe Bryant, the historical greatness of LeBron James is UNBIASEDLY explained, Miami Heat's similarities to the Showtime Lakers, why he thinks Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, not Michael Jordan, is the greatest player ever, what the Lakers must do to win again and much more. Honestly, this one is in my top three podcast ever and it's probably the smartest basketball conversation you'll hear in awhile. (That's 100% because of my father by the way.) Subscribe, share and join the discussion by leaving a comment below. Feel free to give me a follow on Twitter @ParisLay. Thanks for listening and enjoy the view!